Sometimes life can get in the way of your dreams or even hold you back a little. I know from personal experience how badly that can happen and how long it could take to finally see that light at the end of the tunnel. I have had quite a few hard times in life to know that it takes will-power mostly to hold on and endure through even the hardest of times. I spent my life being a people pleaser and not looking out for number one and it did take a toll on me mentally. I let people control me, my thinking, my life and it got me nowhere. Everyone is only out to get what they can get and sometimes that isn’t enough.
My life was full of heartache and dismay that it took me down some dark tunnels even to the point of contemplating self-harm. I got caught up in a whirlwind of drama, drugs, and sex that it made me think that I was only good enough for one thing and that was to please everyone else in order for them to like me. How could I expect everyone else to like me when I didn’t even like myself. I put up a mask for everyone just so they wouldn’t see how hurt I was feeling or depressed.
No one really knew the real me because I didn’t know the real me. I always played right into everyone else’s hand and fell for all of the mean jokes because at one point I didn’t care what happened. My whole life consisted of waking up every morning just to please everyone else at my expense. I was fading out pretty fast until someone who was close to me opened my eyes up to some critical thinking and that is when I started to realize I was worth more than any treasure.
God himself finally spoke to me and also showed me where my life was headed, but he also showed me another path as well. Once I realized all those feelings I was having, mostly when things were going wrong, it was His son holding my hand as I walked through the valley of the shadow of death. Literally, I was heading down a path that would end in my death.
Would anyone miss me? I don’t think so because that is how low my self-esteem and my environment had taken me. I was pretty much dancing the tango with the devil and would have sold him my soul if God had not intervened. God knew I needed someone to remind me of how much I was worth and so he sent me my current husband who loves me no matter what. He supports me even when I can’t support myself.
I deal with past issues every day and my husband always reminds me how much he loves me and that I can do anything I set my mind too. I can’t believe he tells me that even when I beat him up in my sleep from nightmares. But he loves me and now I can see that light at the end of the tunnel and how green those pastures are.
Everyone goes through some hard times and that’s okay because we are human. Some have it harder than others but that doesn’t make them any less of a person or makes them any better or lower in class. We are all equal and all bleed red when cut. It just takes some of us a little longer and with the correct vision to see that bright light at the end of the tunnel. When you do finally see it, even if it is a mile away, keep walking towards it and jumping all the hurdles along the way. One day you will be resting in those green pastures without a care in the world.