Daily Journal 3/30/2017

Good morning everyone. How are all of my friends and family doing today? I have been up for about an hour and still a little groggy from going to bed at four o’clock this morning. I had a couple of bad days but I am trying to feel better. I canceled my therapy appointments for today and rescheduled them. I realized last night that I had not taken my medication since Sunday night and that is probably why I have felt bad for a couple of days.

I have to take my husband to the back doctor this afternoon and then run a few errands.  I hope today is better than the last few days. I could really use some encouragement today to give me some motivation. I have plans on going to the house tomorrow to finish up what needs to be done and we have already talked to an inspector and will be making an appointment next week for inspection. I am going to be at the house both Friday and Saturday to finish up.

I just took my insulin because my sugar has been high due to stressors lately and I will be working on some writing today when we get back. I have been doing outlines for the fictional series and still writing my second book which will take a few weeks probably to write. On the side, I am also going to be gathering some pictures for a children’s short story to be published on a blog site. So you can see I have quite a bit of stuff going on to try and keep my mind busy.

My husband installed our air conditioner here in the tent so that I won’t get so hot being in here. I love my husband so much because he supports me with everything I do. I don’t think I could make it without him. He encourages me, reminds me, and loves me even when I need a shoulder to cry on. He is having his coffee while playing a video game before we leave. That is his coping mechanism when he needs it and I don’t mind because it keeps him busy while I write.

Well, I need to get this published so I can get ready to go and will be back soon to finish working on my book. I wish everyone a great and blessed day. 🙂

Daily Journal 03/29/2017

Hello, everyone. Today could not be much more beautiful than it is right now. It is in the lower 80’s, slight breeze, and all of God’s creatures doing their daily habits. Yesterday was a bad day in disguise. I was okay at my sister-in-law’s house and around family, but once we got home to our tent, things went south. There was a power loss while we were away which fried our wireless router to start things off. Then, having to deal with the internet provider to send someone out to check things and bring us a new router. Before all of this, on the drive home I started to feel anguish, torment, and depression all at once. By the time we had gotten home I was in full blown fallout which caused the first argument my husband and I have ever had in our three and a half year marriage.

The funny thing about it, it was blown all out of proportion by the stupidest thing, the car overheating. I am canceling my therapy sessions this week because I really don’t want to be around anyone, I guess that is why the writer’s lifestyle is a perfect match for me. I am just so done with living in this tent and being around this woman that really just makes me sick because she thinks she is so much more above everyone else.

I now know that it is time for us to get into this house before I have a complete meltdown and tell this woman what I really think of her and cause more undue stress for my father-in-law who doesn’t deserve it. Yes, he has enabled her to be like she is, but I don’t want to be the reason he has a heart attack or stroke because of her over-the-top complaining and bitching. The guys have asked me to bite my tongue but I don’t know how much more stress I can take. To just hear this woman’s voice makes my skin crawl, and I am not exaggerating. So, I will go lie down for a minute because my head is scrambled right now and it is taking a toll on my body. I wish everyone an awesome Spring day and be blessed.

Daily Journal 3/28/2017

Good morning everyone! It is such a pretty day today after a night of down pour. We had a sleep over at my sister-in-laws last night which was fun and relaxing. I just finished the last short story of a series and I feel pretty good today about my writing. I am sitting here on the proch with family having coffee and the dogs running around the yard. They just got their treats of cookies and are playing now while we sit and watch our five year old nephews mud wrestle.

Everyone shows me so much support when it comes to my writing and that is what I think keeps me going in a positive movement. Sometimes I doubt myself but then someone reads what I have written and that gives me the positive affirmation that I need. This will be a short post because while typing it on my laptop at my sister-in-laws house, the power went off and it deleted everything I wrote.

 

Daily Journal 3/27/2017

Good morning everyone! It’s me again with my cup of coffee in hand and a mind full of stories. I am feeling pretty good this morning and ready to begin my day. My husband is awake also and having coffee with me while he watches the ID Discovery channel. I worked on my book last night until about twelve thirty before going to bed.

I got up a few times last night but I feel pretty rested this morning. We are going to go visit with my sister-in-law today to check up on her. I have my pile of notes sitting here on my desk that needs to be put into my book and it is about six inches high. So I have my work cut out for me. It looks like it will be nice outside so I might walk away from my desk and go sit outside on a blanket and work on my book.

You can tell it is Monday because I can’t even wake up before the telemarketers start calling. They have been bad here lately and are aggravating. This will be a short posting this morning but I will update it later after seeing how my day is going. Have a good day at work everyone and be blessed.

Daily Journal 3/26/2017

Good afternoon everyone. Happy Sunday! Get plenty of rest because you go back to work tomorrow to begin your work week all over again.  I have been up and down most of the night and finally decided to get up and get to work on my writing. I have begun writing my second book as scheduled and almost finished with the next short story. After finishing all my research for the book I decided to walk away for a couple of days to take a break before writing it. I am now working on it and it has been fulfilling thus far. I am excited about it and also the fact that it will help people who are struggling with certain issues.

I have even thought about the idea of starting a support group to also help people struggling and given that with my experiences I could run it myself along with having guest speakers on the subjects. It was just an idea but one never knows what the future holds. I could still write my books while traveling and maybe even publish a newsletter concerning the topics and what progress we have made with our groups. If anyone has any feedback on this please leave a comment.

Other than that, it is a very beautiful day here in Dalton, Georgia where the sun is shining, a few Spring showers here and there, and watching all of the flowers blooming. There is a nice cool breeze for which I am sitting next to an open window in the tent and feeling the breeze. My husband is doing what he does best and that is playing his video games. The dogs are laying out in the sunshine and chasing wood bees. I love Spring days they are so relaxing and make work more productive when it comes to writing.

I have so much research for this second book that sometimes it makes my head spin trying to get it written. I feel pretty confident about writing it and can’t wait to see the physical copy in my hands. I already have a marketing plan in place and I am excited about that as well. I hope everyone is having a great day too. We all should be lying by the pool enjoying the water and soaking up the sunshine. I will have that maybe one day. Well, it’s time for me to go back to writing and I wish everyone a happy relaxing and safe day. Be blessed.

 

 

Daily Journal 3/21/2017

Good morning to all my friends and family old and new. I have been up since four o’clock this morning and having my big cup of coffee while I sit here writing this daily journal post. Whether you believe it or not I do care about everyone having a good and positive day. I am doing good this morning mentally and slept a good eight hours so I feel well rested even though it is taking me a few minutes to get my composure.

Yesterday we all went to the house to finish the wiring and now to fix the plumbing which we found out that the previous tenant had taken apart all the plumbing underneath the bathroom floor which isn’t hard to fix. We are even going to change out the old iron pipes for new PVC piping and run a new line of plumbing to the septic tank. It should only take a day or so to fix the plumbing. We just have to wait until the first of the month when we will have gas to commute to the house which is twenty-five miles from where we are now.

It is quiet right now because my husband and the dogs are in the bed asleep and all I hear is the morning train going by and the crickets. Yesterday was the first day of Spring and I am so glad. It is time to get some warm weather and stop being so cold. I have arthritis and with it being cold my whole body aches.

It is now official that I begin writing my second book today. I have my research done and notes organized so that I may begin writing today and expect it to take me at least three to four weeks to write as far as my schedule is concerned. My goal is to have at least three books written and ready to be published in June for which I am excited.

I am looking to become a full-time author to share my stories with the world. They will mostly be fictional but occasionally a non-fiction here and there. I got quite a few likes on one of my chapters that I posted and I thank you all for that. It made me feel good about my writing and gives me encouragement to continue.

Well, it is time to get to work before the hubby and dogs wake up. I wish everyone a great and awesome day. Take care and remember to keep sharing those smiles.

How I Survived Prostitution Chapter 4

Losing Innocence

Since I began my life of rebellion, I caused a lot of problems for my mother. I would stand and argue with her, she would come in from work at night waking me beating me with belts because of my bad behavior. Kids just don’t realize how easy they have it now with all the child protection laws in effect. I started smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, using foul language like I wrote the book on it. There was this park down the street from my house where lots of people hung out and I became a resident trying to find out where I fit in. At this point, I had not discovered who boys were as sexual activities were concerned, but was on my way there fast.

I did have a couple of friends from school who I thought were cool and we even hung out after school. One of them lived a couple of streets away from me, so she and I were close. We always spent time together and played sports together. I had no clue to anything that went on between boys and girls. My mother never taught me about sex or boys, so I didn’t know. My girlfriends were going to these school dances at the other high school and I wanted to go but my mother had issues with me hanging out with my friends or being out at night across town. I was with my friends and I didn’t care what she thought, so I went anyways without permission. I had a blast at the dance, granted I was on crutches because I had just had my first knee surgery, but I still danced. When it was time to go home, my mother had locked me out of the house and found me asleep on the garage floor the next morning. She was not happy with me at all.

I found a place where I somewhat belonged and my life would proceed from there. My relationship with boys grew more closely. While at this park down the street, I was meeting different guys and hanging out with them. I thought I had become close with a few of them until one night my mother and I got into an argument and I headed out the door with some of my stuff. That is one of the nights I will always remember. It haunts me to this day. I headed for the park just before dark and hung out trying to figure out where to go. One of the guys I hung out with earlier had come walking down the street and saw me sitting there. We sat and chatted for a bit before going back to his house where I was introduced to his mother and family.

Later that evening he came to me and said his other friend, who lived at the other end of the block, said I could stay at his house for the night. I didn’t know that night would change my life forever. I got settled in and sat listening to music with them for a bit before being shown to his sister’s room where I could sleep. His family was out-of-town for the weekend and that gave way for me to stay with him. Now, remember, at this time I didn’t know what sex was or that boys could be so cruel. I fell asleep and felt so safe until I woke up to four of these boys holding me down and stripping my clothing off. Each one climbed on top of me and pushed himself inside me. I cried and pleaded with them to stop but they wouldn’t.

When they finally finished and got off me, I put my clothes on and sat back on the couch in the living room as if nothing happened. I could feel the soreness all over my body and it wasn’t as much as how dirty I felt. Then, there was a knock at the door about thirty minutes later. When one of the boys opened the door, there was a police officer with my mother looking for me. She took me home and when I went to the bathroom I saw blood in my panties and immediately knew what it was from. I wasn’t sure how to hide it from my mother so I told her I started my period. She was none the wiser and if she did think it was something else she never let on.

A couple of weeks later I began realizing the attention I was getting from guys. They were friendlier to me and started flirting with me. I wasn’t sure how to act but I knew I liked it. This became my life of having sex with every boy who took an interest in me. One after another, I began having sex with every boy I thought I liked just to get them to like me back. I know it was wrong but I was getting the attention I needed. I even went as far as letting a group of young boys take their turn with me in the back of an old vehicle out in one’s backyard. I became the town slut not to hurt anyone but because I was getting attention and really thought that some of them genuinely liked me. It was all an act to get what they wanted.

As I got older and the arguments with my mother became more frequent, I began running away from home. I had no idea where I was headed but I had to get away from my mother. I remember walking down to the highway and hitchhiking. I ended up in Los Angeles my first time away from home. It was the thought of the bright lights and big city that attracted me to it. I walked around the city for a while before coming to a park in the middle of all these high-rises. You couldn’t even see the sun which was hidden behind these tall buildings. I sat there for a while and watched all the people walk around, walking their dog and some just sitting and reading a book.

It was there I happened to notice a guy in a navy uniform that came over to talk to me. He sat next to me and we chatted a bit about everything. When I told him I had no place to go, he took me to his aunt’s house where he was staying and had to sneak me into his room. He had to hide me from his aunt and uncle but gave me a dry place to sleep. I stayed there for a few days but then it was time for me to go. I left his house walking down the streets which seemed like a million miles of road just to get from one place to another. As I walked and noticed it was getting dark, I tried to think of where I could go, plus how was I going to get something to eat. I kept walking until a black man in a Camaro pulled up next to me and asked if I was okay. I told him I was trying to find somewhere to sleep, so he said get in and he would find me somewhere to sleep. He pulled into a rundown old motel and left me in the car as he went into the office. He came back out a few minutes later to the car and said he paid for a room for me. I didn’t think anything bad would come out of it.

Once we were inside the room he pushed me down onto the bed and began forcibly taking my clothes off. He climbed up on top of me which he wasn’t a small guy and raped me. He didn’t leave anything inside me because that he put into my mouth. Once he finished, he got up and put his clothes on and walked out the door. I immediately got up and jumped into a scalding hot shower to wash the dirty feeling off me. I collapsed to the shower floor under the hot water blaming myself for what happened. After I got cleaned up and my clothes back on, I quickly left the hotel in the middle of the night hoping to forget what happened.

I went to the nearest pay phone once I got out of that neighborhood and called my mother. I told her where I was and she said for me to stay put. She had gotten a hold of the police department and told them where I was and would they please pick me up and take me somewhere safe until she got there. Once the police showed up I fell apart telling them what happened so they took me directly to the hospital to be checked. When my mother got to the police department they told her I was at the hospital where she soon found me. I had no clue as to my dad being out in the car waiting. My mother blamed me for what happened. When she told me my dad was in the car, I felt even worse because I didn’t want him to think less of or ashamed of me. I always wanted my dad to be proud of me, but that never came. The long four-hour ride home was very quiet.

A few weeks went by and out on the road I went again and back down to Los Angeles. This time was a little different. I was walking down the street that night when a white man pulled alongside me. I was looking for ways to get some money to eat but never figured this to happen, nor did I have a clue. He pulled up, rolled down the window, and told me he would give me forty dollars for a blow job. I thought to myself “what was a blow job” and then decided to get into the car because I needed the money. That was the only thing on my mind. We drove to a dark parking garage and he handed me forty dollars. I wasn’t sure what he wanted, or was even asking for, and I knew he could tell I had never done this before. He asked me if I knew what a blowjob was and I politely answered him “no”. He was very gentle in teaching me this act of sex and when he was done, the only thing that went through my mind was “I could make money this easy and fast”. So, began my life as a prostitute.

 

Daily Journal 3/19/2017

Greetings everyone! What a wonderful day to be alive. The sun is shining, birds chirping, and a nice breeze blowing. Well, I got half of the garage cleaned yesterday and until the guys move the stack of wood tomorrow to the house then I can clean the rest. I am doing laundry today and the tent is cleaned, the dogs are laying outside the tent in the sun. It is an awesome day.

I am feeling pretty good today and ready for whatever the day throws at me. My husband is playing his video games and giving me peace and quiet to do some writing. I worked on some more research and notes last night and will be finishing them up after writing this journal entry. After I finish writing down the rest of my research notes I will be implementing them into my writing software to organize. I plan to begin writing that book tomorrow as expected and look forward to spending probably about a month on writing it.

If you want to see what all the books in the series will be about, I will be posting the book covers for them on the book launch information page of this site directly after posting this journal entry as well. The dates below the last three are approximate publishing dates due to the graphic nature detailed in each one. Writing them will cause me to have to remember each event and reliving them again in my mind so it might take a minute to write them. I will keep them updated in case the dates change.

After publishing this, I will also be posting a chapter from the first book. Just keep in mind that it still needs professional editing before publishing. It will give you an idea of what things the book will be talking about. I feel good about sharing my story and helping someone else through my experiences.

Well, it is time for me to get started and I wish everyone a great and blessed day. 🙂

Daily Journal 3/18/2017

Hello, everyone. It is such a beautiful day outside. It is sunny with some clouds and that is because the wind is blowing the storm clouds in, but it is still beautiful. It sure does beat the cold and freezing temperatures, the rain, and the snow. I am ready for Spring. I didn’t get to bed until around four this morning and my husband woke me up around noon just so he could go back to bed. 🙂 I am sitting here drinking some ice tea because it was too hot and humid when I woke up to drink any coffee. My motivation is picking up a little and I have some projects to complete here today before sitting down comfortably to write.

I am feeling pretty good right now and my energy is getting better, still a little congested but it will go away eventually. I am excited about getting some short stories posted today on my blog sites and finishing my note organization to begin writing the second book on Monday. There is just so much research and information going into this second book and that is mostly the reason for it taking so long to begin writing. It will be a novel and not a novella.

Today I have a garage to clean out and organize, a tent to straighten up, I need to put some ice and water bottles in the cooler, and a rabbit to feed. 🙂 I guess I should also add cleaning out the car to that list as well. As much as I would just love to sit here and write, I can not resolve to forget about my other responsibilities. When we were living in a house the first thing I did every day after coffee was to clean the house and take care of feeding the dogs before doing anything else. That was my routine because I could not get comfortable until the house was clean and smelling good.

Well, enough about what I have to do and get up and start doing it. I will be back later and I hope everyone has a great and blessed Saturday.

Daily Journal 3/17/2017

Happy St. Patricks Day Everyone! Did you have your green on today? Did you kiss the Blarney Stone or were you too busy chasing that little leprechaun trying to catch his pot of gold? It was an okay day for me, not too much going on. My husband and I had doctor appointments this morning and we only had enough money to get his prescriptions but I am good on medicine until the first of the month. He needs his more than I need mine is the way I look at it. After that, we came home to the tent and went back to sleep for a couple more hours since we had to get up so early.

My lower back has been burning and hurting all day, so much that I almost went to tears. I took my pain medicine and it just didn’t seem to help. I take it like it is prescribed and sometimes only as needed because I am not one who likes being “high” and without control. If I have to drive somewhere in the morning, I will skip the morning dose because I don’t drive under the influence.

I haven’t been sleeping well lately and my anxiety is up there. My anxiety and nerves are so bad that it is causing me to have hives again. I am still battling with some depression or the after effects of it because there is little motivation and I have to sit here and force myself to write because I have placed goals and deadlines on myself for my writing. I do not want to see failure and feel the regret of not finishing or completing my goal.

Being in this tent plays a large part in my depression because I want to be in this house so bad. I want to be back indoors living a normal life even though I try to live a normal one now in this tent. I stay isolated to this tent because I also suffer from a social disorder and I feel safe isolated away from everyone. That is what makes me a good writer because I have no distractions and no social life except for my husband and sister-in-law. My husband thinks it is funny when I have to go shopping because he can never keep up and he says it is like I am running a marathon because I can’t sit still very long around people. I feel that I am prepared enough that I can just go in get what I need and get out. So he stays in the car while I shop so I don’t wear him out.

The dogs have been really good since we have been here and my father-in-law says they are great at killing the rats around here. 🙂 We have a rabbit outside in a pen that the dogs just love to go inside and play with her. We have had her since she was a baby. She likes to play with us and it is funny to see her slap the food bag out of your hands. My animals are what keeps me going although I still have bad days where my mind is full of bad thoughts. I’m sorry if it seems like I am rambling on but I see no sense in sugarcoating anything and I feel that I need to tell it like it is.

If it weren’t for my husband I think I would have fallen apart long ago. He is my rock and shoulder to cry on when needed. He has his issues, but he places mine before his mostly. It is so hard for me to sit here right now because my back and hips are really achy. Well, I think I have bored everyone enough now so I will end here and I wish everyone a great evening. God Bless.