Since I began my life of rebellion, I caused a lot of problems for my mother. I would stand and argue with her, she would come in from work at night waking me beating me with belts because of my bad behavior. Kids just don’t realize how easy they have it now with all the child protection laws in effect. I started smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, using foul language like I wrote the book on it. There was this park down the street from my house where lots of people hung out and I became a resident trying to find out where I fit in. At this point, I had not discovered who boys were as sexual activities were concerned, but was on my way there fast.
I did have a couple of friends from school who I thought were cool and we even hung out after school. One of them lived a couple of streets away from me, so she and I were close. We always spent time together and played sports together. I had no clue to anything that went on between boys and girls. My mother never taught me about sex or boys, so I didn’t know. My girlfriends were going to these school dances at the other high school and I wanted to go but my mother had issues with me hanging out with my friends or being out at night across town. I was with my friends and I didn’t care what she thought, so I went anyways without permission. I had a blast at the dance, granted I was on crutches because I had just had my first knee surgery, but I still danced. When it was time to go home, my mother had locked me out of the house and found me asleep on the garage floor the next morning. She was not happy with me at all.
I found a place where I somewhat belonged and my life would proceed from there. My relationship with boys grew more closely. While at this park down the street, I was meeting different guys and hanging out with them. I thought I had become close with a few of them until one night my mother and I got into an argument and I headed out the door with some of my stuff. That is one of the nights I will always remember. It haunts me to this day. I headed for the park just before dark and hung out trying to figure out where to go. One of the guys I hung out with earlier had come walking down the street and saw me sitting there. We sat and chatted for a bit before going back to his house where I was introduced to his mother and family.
Later that evening he came to me and said his other friend, who lived at the other end of the block, said I could stay at his house for the night. I didn’t know that night would change my life forever. I got settled in and sat listening to music with them for a bit before being shown to his sister’s room where I could sleep. His family was out-of-town for the weekend and that gave way for me to stay with him. Now, remember, at this time I didn’t know what sex was or that boys could be so cruel. I fell asleep and felt so safe until I woke up to four of these boys holding me down and stripping my clothing off. Each one climbed on top of me and pushed himself inside me. I cried and pleaded with them to stop but they wouldn’t.
When they finally finished and got off me, I put my clothes on and sat back on the couch in the living room as if nothing happened. I could feel the soreness all over my body and it wasn’t as much as how dirty I felt. Then, there was a knock at the door about thirty minutes later. When one of the boys opened the door, there was a police officer with my mother looking for me. She took me home and when I went to the bathroom I saw blood in my panties and immediately knew what it was from. I wasn’t sure how to hide it from my mother so I told her I started my period. She was none the wiser and if she did think it was something else she never let on.
A couple of weeks later I began realizing the attention I was getting from guys. They were friendlier to me and started flirting with me. I wasn’t sure how to act but I knew I liked it. This became my life of having sex with every boy who took an interest in me. One after another, I began having sex with every boy I thought I liked just to get them to like me back. I know it was wrong but I was getting the attention I needed. I even went as far as letting a group of young boys take their turn with me in the back of an old vehicle out in one’s backyard. I became the town slut not to hurt anyone but because I was getting attention and really thought that some of them genuinely liked me. It was all an act to get what they wanted.
As I got older and the arguments with my mother became more frequent, I began running away from home. I had no idea where I was headed but I had to get away from my mother. I remember walking down to the highway and hitchhiking. I ended up in Los Angeles my first time away from home. It was the thought of the bright lights and big city that attracted me to it. I walked around the city for a while before coming to a park in the middle of all these high-rises. You couldn’t even see the sun which was hidden behind these tall buildings. I sat there for a while and watched all the people walk around, walking their dog and some just sitting and reading a book.
It was there I happened to notice a guy in a navy uniform that came over to talk to me. He sat next to me and we chatted a bit about everything. When I told him I had no place to go, he took me to his aunt’s house where he was staying and had to sneak me into his room. He had to hide me from his aunt and uncle but gave me a dry place to sleep. I stayed there for a few days but then it was time for me to go. I left his house walking down the streets which seemed like a million miles of road just to get from one place to another. As I walked and noticed it was getting dark, I tried to think of where I could go, plus how was I going to get something to eat. I kept walking until a black man in a Camaro pulled up next to me and asked if I was okay. I told him I was trying to find somewhere to sleep, so he said get in and he would find me somewhere to sleep. He pulled into a rundown old motel and left me in the car as he went into the office. He came back out a few minutes later to the car and said he paid for a room for me. I didn’t think anything bad would come out of it.
Once we were inside the room he pushed me down onto the bed and began forcibly taking my clothes off. He climbed up on top of me which he wasn’t a small guy and raped me. He didn’t leave anything inside me because that he put into my mouth. Once he finished, he got up and put his clothes on and walked out the door. I immediately got up and jumped into a scalding hot shower to wash the dirty feeling off me. I collapsed to the shower floor under the hot water blaming myself for what happened. After I got cleaned up and my clothes back on, I quickly left the hotel in the middle of the night hoping to forget what happened.
I went to the nearest pay phone once I got out of that neighborhood and called my mother. I told her where I was and she said for me to stay put. She had gotten a hold of the police department and told them where I was and would they please pick me up and take me somewhere safe until she got there. Once the police showed up I fell apart telling them what happened so they took me directly to the hospital to be checked. When my mother got to the police department they told her I was at the hospital where she soon found me. I had no clue as to my dad being out in the car waiting. My mother blamed me for what happened. When she told me my dad was in the car, I felt even worse because I didn’t want him to think less of or ashamed of me. I always wanted my dad to be proud of me, but that never came. The long four-hour ride home was very quiet.
A few weeks went by and out on the road I went again and back down to Los Angeles. This time was a little different. I was walking down the street that night when a white man pulled alongside me. I was looking for ways to get some money to eat but never figured this to happen, nor did I have a clue. He pulled up, rolled down the window, and told me he would give me forty dollars for a blow job. I thought to myself “what was a blow job” and then decided to get into the car because I needed the money. That was the only thing on my mind. We drove to a dark parking garage and he handed me forty dollars. I wasn’t sure what he wanted, or was even asking for, and I knew he could tell I had never done this before. He asked me if I knew what a blowjob was and I politely answered him “no”. He was very gentle in teaching me this act of sex and when he was done, the only thing that went through my mind was “I could make money this easy and fast”. So, began my life as a prostitute.