Daily Journal 7/30/2017

I want to apologize for not being here for a few days because I have been dealing with some things on the inside. Both of my therapists have moved on to better jobs and so I am waiting for new ones to call to set up appointments to meet. New roommates are young and need some training in basic essentials of living like cleaning up behind themselves and being respectful and responsible and it is hard for me with my OCD and anxiety to cope with it all.

It built up so bad today that I had a break down earlier with anger and crying and my mental mood is barely hanging on. I feel like I need to isolate again from everyone just to cope which sometimes that is not a bad thing. It has put a hindrance on my book writing because it is clouding up my mind where my creativity is being blocked.

I had to clean the house today just to keep from blowing up at anyone and it seems like the more someone says something to me the more I want to just blow up. So, my husband knows that it is necessary to keep everyone away from me today until I feel better. It is one of those “I want to punch a glass window” day which would lead to a hospital visit which would stress me even more.

I have been trying to play games on Facebook just to help me put my mind somewhere else and cope but it does little good. I will be seeing the doctor tomorrow about my meds because I don’t think they are helping much at this point or maybe it is just me. I feel like I have been misdiagnosed or there is a new condition that should be addressed but I will find out tomorrow.

Let me get off of here and get my mind elsewhere and maybe even get some writing done. Maybe I should start writing something new to release my anger like a book about being a killer. I feel homicidal but my husband would not like me telling him that right now. It is bad enough he is walking on eggshells around me and that he has been out of medication himself since yesterday so we will butt heads every now and then.

I wish everyone a “Happy Birthday” who has a birthday today and a blessed day for everyone else in the world. Take care.

 

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