Daily Journal 6/20/2017

Hello, everyone. It is such a gorgeous day outside and I feel awesome today. I got up this morning, had coffee with my husband, then cleaned the house and finished the laundry. Now, I am here with my favorite people which are you, my readers. I love sharing my life, whether good or bad, with you all. I want you to get to know me and see that I am a real person with real life issues that happen every single day.

I have had a really hard life full of liars, thieves, cheats, and drugs. I kicked a drug addiction back in two-thousand and eight, have done some minor jail time, and even formed a nonprofit that assists the homeless and needy families. I took everything bad and wrong in my life and made something positive from it.

I suffer from mental health issues that keep me from going a lot of places where there are groups of people. I suffer from depression which causes suicidal or self-harm tendencies, severe anxiety and social anxiety disorder, plus PTSD.

All my life people told me that I should write a book about my life to help others and back then, I would just brush off the thought until last year. I was dealing with a lot of stress and depression and finally sat down and began writing out a plan to write my story in hopes that it would help other people.

When I started writing my first book I found that I had a place I could disappear to. Of course, it made me remember things that I really didn’t want to remember but it did some good to get it out of my head. I isolate a lot of the times and writing gives me an outlet. Granted, my story is nonfiction, but I am working on some fiction which gives me a place to live in my mind.

So, things are getting better for me and my life and I look forward to having people read my books. I just thought maybe you should know the real me and where I came from and where I am going is anyone’s guess. I live a simple life and even use coupons when shopping. I love the outdoors like fishing, camping, and gardening. I shop at Walmart in the middle of the night because of my social anxiety disorder.

You are my only friends and family and that’s enough for me. I appreciate everyone who reads my stories and journal entries and I hope that we get to know each other better. I look forward to it. 🙂

In conclusion, everyone who has a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else, have a great and blessed day.

Daily Journal 4/20/2017

Hello, everyone. How is everyone doing this evening? I hope everyone had a great and prosperous day. I had a pretty good day. I took the last two days off of writing to step back and breathe. I feel better today and look forward to finishing up my freebie book for the horror and paranormal genre. I finished the first chapter the other day and will be writing the second chapter this evening and back on my schedule from here on out. I should have it finished on Sunday and then it is all about editing and cover design before offering it as a download.

This ebook giveaway is the precursor to my writing in the horror and paranormal genre. I still need to get things organized for other projects like storytelling with podcasts. I finally finished setting up my newsletter and will be getting with other authors to keep it moving. I feel good about everything and I am also getting adjusted to being a published author now and setting up all marketing plans. I do hope some of you are checking out my book on Amazon. It is a non-fiction book to a series that I feel can help many people dealing with serious issues. So check it out or tell someone else about it.

Well, it is getting later in the evening and it is time for me to dive back into the world of my book. I will keep everyone posted on its progress and will let you know when it is ready for upload. I want to wish everyone who has a birthday today a “Happy Birthday” and I will talk more tomorrow. Have a great night everyone.

Daily Journal 4/9/2017

Hello everyone, sorry I haven’t posted in a few days. I have been working on my marketing strategy for my first book that was published a couple days ago. It is my first book in a series of nonfiction and I just found out that I have sold two copies already. I am so excited and have been working on my second book for that series which is a beast because it is going to be full of so much information. While I work on that I have been setting up outlines for several other books which are fictional.

I have been sitting outside in the yard feeling the breeze as I brainstorm information for these other books and have found it to be very exhilarating and relaxing all at once. I am now a published author and look forward to a brighter future. My book is in ebook and paperback, and I have already had a couple of auditions to have it in audiobook as well. My husband cannot believe I have sold some books this fast. He is proud of me and my efforts.

My husband has been sitting with me outside with our dogs and it is actually productive and quality time together. He has even had his input into some of my books so I am glad and happy that he wants to help me. It gives me another point of view as well as some ideas. I am thinking that our future is going to be brighter than it is right now. Well, time to stop here, just wanted to give everyone an update and now to go finish some short stories that are half done. I wish everyone and awesome Sunday and a blessed one.

Daily Journal 4/7/2017

I am so excited today. I just published my first book and it is live on Amazon. Here is the link to check it out.

https://www.amazon.com/author/brandipayne

I am having a good day so far and now it is time to get my marketing on the ball.

I am setting up my email list and working on some novellas, or short novels, and will be giving away some freebies soon. I hope everyone is having an awesome day and be blessed.

How I Survived Prostitution Chapter 4

Losing Innocence

Since I began my life of rebellion, I caused a lot of problems for my mother. I would stand and argue with her, she would come in from work at night waking me beating me with belts because of my bad behavior. Kids just don’t realize how easy they have it now with all the child protection laws in effect. I started smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, using foul language like I wrote the book on it. There was this park down the street from my house where lots of people hung out and I became a resident trying to find out where I fit in. At this point, I had not discovered who boys were as sexual activities were concerned, but was on my way there fast.

I did have a couple of friends from school who I thought were cool and we even hung out after school. One of them lived a couple of streets away from me, so she and I were close. We always spent time together and played sports together. I had no clue to anything that went on between boys and girls. My mother never taught me about sex or boys, so I didn’t know. My girlfriends were going to these school dances at the other high school and I wanted to go but my mother had issues with me hanging out with my friends or being out at night across town. I was with my friends and I didn’t care what she thought, so I went anyways without permission. I had a blast at the dance, granted I was on crutches because I had just had my first knee surgery, but I still danced. When it was time to go home, my mother had locked me out of the house and found me asleep on the garage floor the next morning. She was not happy with me at all.

I found a place where I somewhat belonged and my life would proceed from there. My relationship with boys grew more closely. While at this park down the street, I was meeting different guys and hanging out with them. I thought I had become close with a few of them until one night my mother and I got into an argument and I headed out the door with some of my stuff. That is one of the nights I will always remember. It haunts me to this day. I headed for the park just before dark and hung out trying to figure out where to go. One of the guys I hung out with earlier had come walking down the street and saw me sitting there. We sat and chatted for a bit before going back to his house where I was introduced to his mother and family.

Later that evening he came to me and said his other friend, who lived at the other end of the block, said I could stay at his house for the night. I didn’t know that night would change my life forever. I got settled in and sat listening to music with them for a bit before being shown to his sister’s room where I could sleep. His family was out-of-town for the weekend and that gave way for me to stay with him. Now, remember, at this time I didn’t know what sex was or that boys could be so cruel. I fell asleep and felt so safe until I woke up to four of these boys holding me down and stripping my clothing off. Each one climbed on top of me and pushed himself inside me. I cried and pleaded with them to stop but they wouldn’t.

When they finally finished and got off me, I put my clothes on and sat back on the couch in the living room as if nothing happened. I could feel the soreness all over my body and it wasn’t as much as how dirty I felt. Then, there was a knock at the door about thirty minutes later. When one of the boys opened the door, there was a police officer with my mother looking for me. She took me home and when I went to the bathroom I saw blood in my panties and immediately knew what it was from. I wasn’t sure how to hide it from my mother so I told her I started my period. She was none the wiser and if she did think it was something else she never let on.

A couple of weeks later I began realizing the attention I was getting from guys. They were friendlier to me and started flirting with me. I wasn’t sure how to act but I knew I liked it. This became my life of having sex with every boy who took an interest in me. One after another, I began having sex with every boy I thought I liked just to get them to like me back. I know it was wrong but I was getting the attention I needed. I even went as far as letting a group of young boys take their turn with me in the back of an old vehicle out in one’s backyard. I became the town slut not to hurt anyone but because I was getting attention and really thought that some of them genuinely liked me. It was all an act to get what they wanted.

As I got older and the arguments with my mother became more frequent, I began running away from home. I had no idea where I was headed but I had to get away from my mother. I remember walking down to the highway and hitchhiking. I ended up in Los Angeles my first time away from home. It was the thought of the bright lights and big city that attracted me to it. I walked around the city for a while before coming to a park in the middle of all these high-rises. You couldn’t even see the sun which was hidden behind these tall buildings. I sat there for a while and watched all the people walk around, walking their dog and some just sitting and reading a book.

It was there I happened to notice a guy in a navy uniform that came over to talk to me. He sat next to me and we chatted a bit about everything. When I told him I had no place to go, he took me to his aunt’s house where he was staying and had to sneak me into his room. He had to hide me from his aunt and uncle but gave me a dry place to sleep. I stayed there for a few days but then it was time for me to go. I left his house walking down the streets which seemed like a million miles of road just to get from one place to another. As I walked and noticed it was getting dark, I tried to think of where I could go, plus how was I going to get something to eat. I kept walking until a black man in a Camaro pulled up next to me and asked if I was okay. I told him I was trying to find somewhere to sleep, so he said get in and he would find me somewhere to sleep. He pulled into a rundown old motel and left me in the car as he went into the office. He came back out a few minutes later to the car and said he paid for a room for me. I didn’t think anything bad would come out of it.

Once we were inside the room he pushed me down onto the bed and began forcibly taking my clothes off. He climbed up on top of me which he wasn’t a small guy and raped me. He didn’t leave anything inside me because that he put into my mouth. Once he finished, he got up and put his clothes on and walked out the door. I immediately got up and jumped into a scalding hot shower to wash the dirty feeling off me. I collapsed to the shower floor under the hot water blaming myself for what happened. After I got cleaned up and my clothes back on, I quickly left the hotel in the middle of the night hoping to forget what happened.

I went to the nearest pay phone once I got out of that neighborhood and called my mother. I told her where I was and she said for me to stay put. She had gotten a hold of the police department and told them where I was and would they please pick me up and take me somewhere safe until she got there. Once the police showed up I fell apart telling them what happened so they took me directly to the hospital to be checked. When my mother got to the police department they told her I was at the hospital where she soon found me. I had no clue as to my dad being out in the car waiting. My mother blamed me for what happened. When she told me my dad was in the car, I felt even worse because I didn’t want him to think less of or ashamed of me. I always wanted my dad to be proud of me, but that never came. The long four-hour ride home was very quiet.

A few weeks went by and out on the road I went again and back down to Los Angeles. This time was a little different. I was walking down the street that night when a white man pulled alongside me. I was looking for ways to get some money to eat but never figured this to happen, nor did I have a clue. He pulled up, rolled down the window, and told me he would give me forty dollars for a blow job. I thought to myself “what was a blow job” and then decided to get into the car because I needed the money. That was the only thing on my mind. We drove to a dark parking garage and he handed me forty dollars. I wasn’t sure what he wanted, or was even asking for, and I knew he could tell I had never done this before. He asked me if I knew what a blowjob was and I politely answered him “no”. He was very gentle in teaching me this act of sex and when he was done, the only thing that went through my mind was “I could make money this easy and fast”. So, began my life as a prostitute.

 

Daily Journal 3/10/2017

Good morning everyone. Today is a great day to be alive. There was a thunderstorm last night when I went to bed, but I slept pretty well last night. I woke up to my husband with coffee and my dogs wanting some love and attention. The wind is blowing and it feels nice. We got home late last night from my sister-in-law’s house and we were worn out so it was to bed earlier than normal. Usually, I don’t go to bed until about two o’clock in the morning after winding down with a few levels of a computer game.

I will be making my video for crowdfunding here shortly to assist me in book expenses so that I may get my first book published. Monday I will begin writing my second book now that I have all the notes from my research done and organized. I am very excited about that and look forward to seeing my book in physical form. Sometimes I cannot even believe I have written a book about my life experiences.

My goal for this series of nonfiction books is to help people understand some of the issues we face and for those still facing them to know that there is someone who can identify with their issues and that they are not alone. I have had a hard life with physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse that I want those afflicted with the same to know that they can overcome that issue.

In each book which deals with one issue at a time, I will be leaving my messenger id and an eight hundred number for anyone afflicted by these horrible issues to reach me if they just want to talk, or need some advice. I have a passion for helping people and through my experiences, I think I can. So, I will end here so I can get this video done before my husband comes back to play a video game. I wish everyone a great and happy day.

Daily Journal 2/27/2017

prostitution-book-cover

Good afternoon everyone. What a great and peaceful rainy day here. I hope your weather is better, however, I do love the rain because it washes away everything dirty and makes everything new again. I have been getting through a case of acute sinusitis for the past two weeks and I am starting to feel a little better now that I have antibiotics to help out. Other than that, things are looking so much better now. I just finished the book cover for my first book and I hope everyone likes it. I have my amazon account set up and my pre-order set up, so everything is moving forward. My nonfiction books will be easy reads because I want people to understand them

My nonfiction books will be easy reads because I want people to understand them, even those who cannot read very well or fast. I am so excited about my book launch and becoming a published author that I can’t sit still. 🙂 Since my nonfiction book series are so emotional and graphic, I will be publishing the two easiest ones in sequence first and then flip over to fiction before writing the next nonfiction one. These books are about my life experiences, good and bad, and it will be difficult for me to recount some of the most traumatic ones, but I will have to face them again. I still live the horrors of some of them every night in my nightmares, so there are days where I wake up not myself.

I want my books to give readers the understanding of the who, what, when, where, and why people have to go through these ordeals and to give inspiration to those afflicted by these struggles. Each book covers a topic that has happened to me and I wish to help those who are struggling to know that there is a way out and that you can have a better and happy life.

Some of the chapters in my nonfiction books will be very emotional, to me, and to the reader. I tell my story as it happened from nineteen eighty-four until two thousand and seventeen. I might not remember everything during this time but I do remember the important parts. So, I hope that you will get a chance to read them and gain some knowledge of what afflicts some many people in the world. Have a blessed day.

Daily Journal 2/15/2017

Good morning family and friends. I realize this morning that yesterday was Valentine’s Day and I forgot to wish every a “Happy Valentine’s Day”. I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday plus I had to handle some other errands. So please forgive me but I’m saying it now. I am up early this morning and I figured I can get some early writing done before my mammogram this afternoon which will be followed by going to the house and finishing the kitchen floor.

It has done me some good to get away from the house since I isolate myself away because of a social anxiety disorder. I am so ready to move into this house but it will still be a few weeks before that happens. I have been working on a list of literary magazines and journals that I am going to submit some of my short stories too. I am still having that creative and since the other day I had another idea for a book flash through my mind and was nearby a notebook to write the idea down. This will make approximately twenty-one books to write, both fiction and nonfiction. If I stick to my schedule, I will have the majority of them wrote this year.

I have a few short stories to post on blogs today and I hope everyone is enjoying them. I always use my writing as a coping skill which is very helpful especially with the step-mother-in-law always on my back about something. I have been keeping my distance from her just to keep my sanity until we get into this house. Well, I need to get writing so I wish everyone a great and blessed day.

 

Daily Journal 1/1/2017

Good morning world! Happy New Year! I feel great today and it is a new year. It is time for new things and a fresh start. Sorry, I have not been here in a minute, I have been doing some final touches on my first book to get it ready for publishing. Time to start my new schedule and get things going. It is a brand new year and the possibilities are endless. Last year was a hard year but we made it and the world did not come crashing down on us, yet. It’s time to let bygones be bygones and move forward into a new year without any undue stress or resentment. Let’s all be happy and make this year a year to remember. I am already working on book number two of my nonfiction series and should have the whole series done this year plus a few extra books on the side. I have my goals in place and set, now all I need to do is sprint to the finish line. I hope everyone has a great day and a Happy New Year!! 🙂