Daily Journal 10/12/2017

Morning, everyone. Today is day three since my blow up and it is still kind of a nightmare with the other family members in the house but all I can do is ignore them like they don’t exist. That is how I am coping right now. I can’t believe that he and they did us so wrong and all we did was look out for them.

Other than that, I will be doing some major cleaning of the kitchen today with my husband’s help. All of the food and dishes need to come out and the cabinets cleaned and bleached out. Pest control is going to be taken care of as well.

My husband and I got our new bed yesterday and we slept so well last night. I was still up every few hours to run to the bathroom but sleep was good. I am sitting here at the kitchen table with my sister-in-law enjoying coffee and she is getting ready to head back to bed for a few more hours due to all the stress around here.

I will be finishing up this post and starting on the cabinets since there is so much to do and I don’t want to be working on it all day. So, I will stop here and get started once I’m done with my coffee. “Happy Birthday” to everyone with a birthday today and to everyone else, have an awesome day.

Advertisements

Daily Journal 10/10/2017

Today has not been a very good day at all for me. Not only am I sick, but it just seemed like everything around me came crashing down this morning that invoked a mental breakdown. My husband and sister-in-law had to sick me down and let me cry for a few because I was feeling so angry that I just wanted to hit something.

Every little thing agitated me this morning and I became snappy at everyone around me and it just seemed like one thing after another came crashing down. I have come to realize that everyone else’s problems should be their own and not mine because besides having my own problems I have to deal with their issues and drama as well.

We moved our bedroom into the living room and our new mattress showed up this morning and the rest of our bed frame and everything should be here in the morning. My husband made a little corner of the room my corner so that it was my space. I can feel safe in my little corner without being bothered by anyone. This will be where I spend most of my time under the supervision of my husband so that I can remain safe.

I feel like I just want to isolate from the world again except through my writing. I have a heart of gold that wants to always open and help everyone around me even when it is detrimental to my own health and well-being, but I have to stop so that people cannot take advantage of my kindness anymore.

I want to devote myself to full-time writing so that I can share my stories plus make a better life for my husband, myself, and my dogs which are my babies. I cannot let everyone else’s drama interfere with my life anymore because it doesn’t help me and my family any and I am so tired of the stress.

Sometimes I wish I could just blink my eyes and my husband, babies, and I could just disappear to a deserted island or a place where no one else lived just so that I wouldn’t have to deal with other people. Even some family members are so screwed up that you know I go out of my way to help them and they slapped my face once and here they are getting ready to do it again and I can’t handle it.

Here we go again, I really feel like hitting something and getting all this pent up frustration out. I am going to put my face and mind in the computer and stay there and not deal with anyone else in this house except my husband. I have just had enough. I am canceling all appointments for tomorrow and just take some time for myself. I NEED IT!!

My therapist last week gave me an assignment to draw all the masks that I have ever used in life to hide the real me and give them a physical identity. It was supposed to be something I could do but right now the only mask wanting to come out would be anger and I need to roll my emotions back first before beginning this assignment. I apologize Jennifer that it is not possible at the moment.

Well, I need to get off here because I could rant and rave all day and it would not do me any good or anyone else. I want to wish everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and everyone else a glorious day.

Daily Journal 9/26/2017

Hello, everyone. Good evening friends and family old and new. It has been a day full of trials here at home and being sick does not help any. I have been sick since about Thursday evening and still dealing with the symptoms which have taken a toll on me today. I have already spoken to my husband and sister-in-law about precautions I am going to have to take since no one else in this house cares about my health.

The five children in this house have been passing upper respiratory infections back and forth because no one wants to wash their hands even after using the bathroom and do not cover their mouths when coughing or sneezing so I will be getting my own utensils, plate, bowl, and cup to keep sterile in my room.

Being diabetic and with a weak immune system, I am susceptible to getting pneumonia or worse and I will not allow these things to happen. My husband, sister-in-law, and I have agreed to go back to eating healthy since the others in the house love fried, greasy, and fatty foods which would do more harm to my health. So the bad foods stop here.

I finally have a good primary care doctor appointment set up for Monday to get my health back together. I have been dealing with hypoglycemia here lately to where the symptoms have been a little worse with each time. I need better diabetes management and better health care than I was getting from the health department. I made the effort and found someone I could trust with my health.

Now, on to my writing, it has been hard with me being sick and in bed, but I have managed to get the first one-thousand words of the second chapter of the new book written and should be writing some more this evening. I am trying to keep my spirits up so that I can enjoy writing again without all the distractions going on in this house but am hopeful that it will get better.

My husband just made me a snack because I have maybe eaten twice in the past four days due to having no appetite. So, I will say good night here and to everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else have an awesome night. Take care.

 

Daily Journal 9/22/2017

Good morning to all my friends and family, old and new. I haven’t been here for a couple days due to my sugar dropping really low and my husband making me stay down because I have hit dangerously low levels. I love him so much because he really takes care of me.

This morning, my sister-in-law was having a bad emotional morning and crying because things just don’t seem to be going right this month. She was talking about giving up and disappearing from the world until my husband and I sat and talked with her for a bit while having coffee. Things have been going rough I’ll admit but we have been trying to stay positive.

As far as my writing is concerned, I have been working on the first round of editing to my Joshua manuscript plus I have finished the first chapter of a new book. I have been working so hard and the first chapter is approximately five thousand words. I expect this book to be a full-length novel and writing it with all my heart. The downside I think is because I write every detail pretty much because I want the reader to experience it as they read.

I am functioning this morning on only a couple hours of sleep because my medications didn’t kick in last night, so I had to force myself to lay down at five o’clock this morning. I feel pretty good this morning even with only a few hours of sleep. I feel a bit fatigued but other than that, things are okay. My sugar wasn’t that high this morning and my husband gave me my insulin.

I am sticking to my schedule today and will be writing a short story on my blog here in a few minutes so I better get ready so I will say goodbye for now and wish everyone a happy Friday. To everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday!” Take care.

Daily Journal 9/4/2017

“Happy Labor Day, everyone!!” I did nothing but sleep today because I haven’t felt too good and then my sugar plummeted earlier and it made me shake real bad. I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything today after taking my insulin but we got my sugar back under control so all is good.

I have the first eleven chapters of Joshua printed up and ready for editing I just need to finish the last two chapters so I will have it completed in its entirety. I have been printing up and working on my addictions book notes and organizing the outline for the book. It has been less stressful being here with family and I just need to get my motivation back.

I have been feeling sick for the past few days with body aches and not being able to eat dinner for the last two nights. I walked to the nearest Dollar General to find an ethernet cable but only walked a huge blister into the pad of my foot which has now been doctored up to keep infection away.

My husband was going to soak my feet and then wash them and take care of them for me until I got this blister so now we have to wait until it heals. He takes really good care of me especially with me being a diabetic with mental health issues. I love him so much for everything he does for me and my dogs love him to death as well.

Well, it is back to work for everyone tomorrow and I will say my good nights now. To everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday”, and to everyone else, have a restful night. Take care.

Daily Journal 8/30/2017

Morning, everyone. How are we doing today? I wish I could say my day started off good, but it didn’t. When you have a family meeting and people are not willing to give in to compromise or allow someone to help to make a situation better is just so frustrating. Then, for them to make a statement that you accused them of not caring about their kids is hurtful when it was not meant that way and that was not even insinuated.

It just throws your whole day off and makes you not want to say anything else because it will be interpreted the wrong way. I will just keep quiet from now on and bury myself into my writing and save up money to move into our own place so that I won’t be a problem for anyone anymore.

I know that I might sound like a wuss but because of my mental health status, it makes me very vulnerable to people’s words. I take things so hard that it just happens and then the rest of my day is depressing and everything is hurtful and I find myself crying all day that it makes my husband frustrated because he can’t fix me.

Well, that is enough of my depressing talk, so I will end this post here and hopefully have a better tomorrow. To everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else, have an awesome hump day. Take care.

Daily Journal 7/15/2017

Hello everyone! How are you today? I am doing pretty good today. I cleaned the whole house, took the animals outside to potty, and laid out meat for dinner. Now I am ready to sit down and spend some time writing and catching up on some things like being here with my friends and family and telling you how my day went or is going so far.

I sat down last night and wrote another chapter in my book which was a good thing. I have had no motivation lately and have really been hurting a lot. Last night was hard to sleep because my body ached and I kept having something like electrical shocks coursing through my body. I know that it is my peripheral neuropathy but I haven’t stayed consistent with taking the pain medication so I feel everything all day.

My husband graduated from his class Thursday night and the last thing is for him to be released from probation on the twenty sixth of this month so it is almost here. We have a vacation planned for October to get away and have some fun so we are anticipating that as well.

Everything is going pretty good today and I am still on my writing schedule and look forward to publishing the next book and getting it out to all of you readers out there. It is now time to get back to my writing and I will talk again soon. Everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and everyone else, have a great day! 🙂

Daily Journal 7/11/2017

Hello, everyone! How are we doing today? It is such a beautiful day outside and my mental health status is doing pretty good today. Physically, my body aches a little but not enough to make me stay in bed all day being unproductive. My husband got up today and actually swept and mopped the floors for me. We are waiting for one of his friends to come help him with the transmission to our truck so that we can get it running.

I have gotten my to-do lists created and ready and I feel pretty good about it. Things have calmed down since the roommate left. I feel less stressed and my husband has been better as well. We are meeting with his case worker today to find out about our housing voucher for a place of our own. They will help us pay the rent for a year so that we can get stable financially.

I feel good about our future and making a living as a writer. Realistically, my goal has changed and will be that I should have at least thirteen books published this year. We will see, but for now, my hopes are upwards of that. I have plenty of time to write and find solace in my writing.

Well, I just got some bad news, our roommate is coming back and I instantly felt my stress level rise to becoming overwhelming. I spent a whole week getting this house cleaned from cat spray and dog urine to know she is coming back to make the house nasty again within the first week of her being here.

I have already agreed and stated to myself that I am not going to cater to her and that my goals and deadlines are more important than her. My husband will probably stay in his man cave quite a bit just to stay out of the conflict. She is going to be mad as hell because I will be refusing her, but I don’t care anymore. I need to live for me and my husband and our kids.

Sorry, I am venting some of this stress right now. I love all of my friends and family on here because you are all good listeners. I don’t know when she will be here, but I will definitely let you all know because I will need to vent again, lol.

Time for me to get some writing done but to everyone with a birthday, and you know who you are, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else, I wish for you an awesomely blessed day. Take care.

Daily Journal 6/20/2017

Hello, everyone. It is such a gorgeous day outside and I feel awesome today. I got up this morning, had coffee with my husband, then cleaned the house and finished the laundry. Now, I am here with my favorite people which are you, my readers. I love sharing my life, whether good or bad, with you all. I want you to get to know me and see that I am a real person with real life issues that happen every single day.

I have had a really hard life full of liars, thieves, cheats, and drugs. I kicked a drug addiction back in two-thousand and eight, have done some minor jail time, and even formed a nonprofit that assists the homeless and needy families. I took everything bad and wrong in my life and made something positive from it.

I suffer from mental health issues that keep me from going a lot of places where there are groups of people. I suffer from depression which causes suicidal or self-harm tendencies, severe anxiety and social anxiety disorder, plus PTSD.

All my life people told me that I should write a book about my life to help others and back then, I would just brush off the thought until last year. I was dealing with a lot of stress and depression and finally sat down and began writing out a plan to write my story in hopes that it would help other people.

When I started writing my first book I found that I had a place I could disappear to. Of course, it made me remember things that I really didn’t want to remember but it did some good to get it out of my head. I isolate a lot of the times and writing gives me an outlet. Granted, my story is nonfiction, but I am working on some fiction which gives me a place to live in my mind.

So, things are getting better for me and my life and I look forward to having people read my books. I just thought maybe you should know the real me and where I came from and where I am going is anyone’s guess. I live a simple life and even use coupons when shopping. I love the outdoors like fishing, camping, and gardening. I shop at Walmart in the middle of the night because of my social anxiety disorder.

You are my only friends and family and that’s enough for me. I appreciate everyone who reads my stories and journal entries and I hope that we get to know each other better. I look forward to it. 🙂

In conclusion, everyone who has a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else, have a great and blessed day.

Daily Journal 6/17/2017

Hello, friends and family. How is everyone today? I woke up pretty good today and looking forward to a day full of writing. My husband left with family members to go work on one of their cars, so that leaves me with peace and quiet to write. Granted, I am doing laundry, but still able to write. I was up until four o’clock this morning working on some printing of forms I got passed to me to help me with time management and work efficiency. They are a great help right now with all of the issues I am facing.

I have finally made the decision to tighten up and keep pushing forward because I am faced with people around me who do not want to see me succeed and will do whatever they can to stop me from completing my tasks and my writing. I know what I am capable of doing and can be successful if given the chance but my roommate knows how to play games and is such a drama queen. She tries to take my attention away from my writing and my husband has agreed to keep her away from me when I am writing.

I have my game plan and strategy to get my books done and I need to put them into action. I appreciate all the support and love I receive from all my readers who are my friends and family. I hope to gain more because I know you can never have too many friends and family, lol.

Now it is time for me to get back to my writing and hope to hear from all of you soon. “Happy Birthday” to everyone with a birthday today and I wish everyone an awesome and blessed day.