Daily Journal 4/3/2018

Today has been such a free feeling for me. I have had nothing but stress and drama for the last few weeks outside of my own household. Today, I have been able to free myself from all that hinders me and my marriage. I am no longer responsible for people who don’t appreciate anything, want to control everything, greed for money and materialistic things, and drama filled lives. It was becoming such a burden on my life and mental health status that lots of bad things were beginning to happen within myself. I have put myself on hold for so long and doing for others, OUTSIDE of where we live, that it now feels like I can shed that old tired skin off and live life the way it was meant for living.

I do not speak for my husband, but I must refrain from associating with his side of the family to keep myself positive and moving forward. They live differently than what I am used to and have different values than my own. It seems that what is pleasing and satisfying to them, makes me feel like I am just stuck in a sphere or frozen state never moving forward and only being content with dullness. It seems that some of them only survive to take what they can get from others, sucking the very essence and life out of everyone around them.

I guess it is true that misery really does love company and they are a perfect example of that. No one can really be happy around them and it is liberating to be free from them and only being able to live and be happy as only I know how. Like I said, I cannot speak for my husband, and I will never keep him from them, but we have a better life ahead of us and God will be leading the way.

Now, on to better notes, I am regaining a piece of me that had hid for a few weeks not knowing when it would be safe to poke it’s head out and enjoy what life has to offer. I am shedding off hinderances and putting back up on the shelves childish things to use what God has given me. It has been a rollercoaster ride for the past few years with lots of family leaving this life and moving on to a better place without pain and sorrow. There are not too many of the elders left and when they are all gone it would be hard because of no one being there to answer my still sought-after questions of life and advice. The world is going to hell in a handbag and I refuse to sit around and let life pass me by.

Today, I begin writing again and exploring fantasy so I can escape from what ails me. Sometimes, it is good to get away and relax on that white sandy beach watching the white-capped waves as they roll in. I have been so distraught over life that I seriously need a break and will find that in my stories. One of my future books will change or be deleted because of family drama. Writing it would bring ill feelings and I don’t want to return to that negative place.

I hope everyone had an awesome Easter with family and friends and I will end this post here and bid everyone a good night. Before I go, I do want to send prayers out to someone I know who is in the hospital right now and for a speedy recovery because he is missed here at home. 🙂

 

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