Daily Journal 6/3/2017

Hello, everyone. It is now two o’clock in the morning EST and I am exhausted and hurting. I have spent the better part of the day shopping for necessities and food. Our last stop was Walmart where it was so packed full of people that the nearest parking spot was about fifteen parking spots from the entrance. We got inside and I immediately went into panic mode due to my social anxiety disorder. I shop at night to avoid crowds.

When we entered the store, it wasn’t long before my husband and friends were handing me plastic bags to puke in. That is how strong it can get. I pretty much have to have tunnel vision to shop in order to get it done. It took about two hours before we were at the checkout because I had to keep stopping to get ahold of myself and to keep from throwing up.

I have felt bad and drained all day and I am glad to be home and almost ready for bed. My whole body hurts and aches to where I don’t want to move. I wanted to publish a journal post to update everyone on how my day went. Sometimes it helps to let it all out to strangers. I am getting ready to lay down now and hopefully sleep. I think I will die when my head hits the pillow from being so exhausted.

I just wanted to check in and will call it a night but not before I wish everyone a good night and sweet dreams. Good night everyone.

Advertisements

Daily Journal 4/13/2017

Hello, everyone. Yesterday started out very hectic and tiring. With our vehicle down due to my husband’s neglect of not putting the radiator cap back on the vehicle we now have blown head gaskets and a bad alternator. We ended up walking four miles roundtrip to the grocery store for food and picked up our new alternator which we now find out that it is bad. We only found out that our gasket was blown when the guys checked the oil and saw that it was milky. Yet, I told them the other day that I think the heads were cracked but with me being a woman I don’t know anything. So, imagine the smile on my face when they found out about the heads.

Our tent blew out the back side and we ended up moving up to my father-in-law’s garage where there is actually more room and a lot cooler. So before the four-mile trek, we had just spent the day in the heat moving everything out of the tent and into the garage. This made my whole body ache and after taking my meds last night I don’t remember a thing except my husband waking me this morning with coffee. Today, I spent the better part of the day setting everything up and putting things away before sitting down to begin writing this and my body still aches.

I am glad to be here writing to you all with updates and it makes me happy to see all of the likes on my postings. You, the reader, bring happiness to my life and I got a sense of joy sharing my writing with you being it in one of my books or here online. So, I want to say thank you to you all for being an ear to listen. Well, it is time to get my book outline finished for my next book, and by the way, I got to see my book in physical form because my therapist bought a copy and she wanted it autographed. So, until next time, I wish everyone a great evening and may you be blessed in your endeavors.

Daily Journal 4/3/2017

Today I came home but my day started off crappy because when I went to get in the car to go it wouldn’t start. I tried several times and then it would start, run for a few minute’s, then it would die. My sister-in-law’s fiancee had to drive out to pick up my husband to come fix it. When he arrived he instantly found out the problem and corrected it and then we drove home. When we pulled into the driveway, we were met by my other dogs who were ecstatic to see me. I want to say it felt good to be home, but it really wasn’t. I was happy to be reunited with my husband and dogs, but I seemed to get depressed with the thought of being here again.

I appreciate everything my father-in-law has done for us but his wife just gets under my skin too quickly. Everything was going great today until I went to make some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches since that was all we ate today when my step-mother-in-law started in on me again about how we need to help pay their bills and put food in the house. I have already explained to my husband why I refuse to put any food in their house because one, our food money has gone way down below a hundred dollars, and two, she wastes so much food. She could make a full pot of spaghetti that we eat half of at dinner and then wants to throw the rest to her dogs.

She doesn’t believe in leftovers except for her nasty pinto beans that we have to have two nights in a row. We took care of them for almost seven months with food and paid half of their electric bill for a couple of months and that doesn’t mean anything to her. We are living in a tent and running power by a drop chord so I know that we are not running that much electric but she has to complain about everything except for her side of the family who can do no wrong. They are perfect and better than everyone else.

Anyway, we are going to sit down with them tomorrow and talk and we might just have to leave and be out in the streets until we get this house inspected which now has been pushed to the first week of May due to financial reasons. We gave them the last thirty dollars we have and it isn’t good enough for her. So, whatever happens tomorrow I will keep you updated.

On a quick brighter note, I have got my whole plan of writing set up for the rest of the year. I have my goals set in place and will work towards that to keep my spirits up. Well, I wish everyone a good night and sweet dreams. Be blessed.

 

Accusations Cause Disrespect

You know everything you think about can sometimes make you or break you. People, like myself, who have mental health issues hold a lot of things in whether they are good or bad. We can be some of the nicest people you will ever meet, but we can also explode like a nuclear bomb when setting off. The best part is society tries to hold us accountable for our actions but a doctor will tell different based on each individual’s mental health status. A good scenario will be one of my experiences. I have told my step-mother-in-law that I never know how I am going to wake up every morning whether I am going to have a good day or bad day. The moment I walk into the room, she is all over me about something, whether it is “telling me”that I am cooking dinner, or when I am going to wash our clothes. She is just overbearing sometimes and I don’t understand how my father-in-law puts up with her. All day long she does nothing but complain and gossip. Yet, she professes to be an “anointed” Christian. She tries to stick her nose into other people’s business just so she has something to gossip about.

Well, she has not wanted for anything as far as food is concerned for the last seven months.We have packed both her refrigerator and stand-up freezer with food and it isn’t good enough for her she wants more like the glutton she is. She is maybe four feet tall and weighs just as much as me at about two hundred and fifty pounds. Granted I stand about six feet and built like a football player. Everyone on this side of the family calls her a “troll”, but I have tried to be nice. She just makes it impossible. Whenever I bake a cake I am required to share it with her, but she made a cake tonight, and when I politely asked her for a piece, she accused me of stealing, or sneaking, cake out of the house. I went in to grab a few cans of ravioli’s and this is what I’m met with. I am so angry that I cried. It is so petty to accuse someone of taking some food, but it is the respect thing and the fact that she accused me of taking food when for the last seven months she has been eating off of my husband and myself. She even feeds her daughter, who makes more money than God, with the food we put in the house. She doesn’t think she does any wrong and I am so over it and tired of holding my tongue to this woman but I do out of respect for my father-in-law. I respect him but she has lost any respect from me and she will find out when we buy food again.

She made the comment the other that we have to buy groceries and we are not doing it. We live in a tent in their yard so we will act like we are homeless and buy food that doesn’t need to be kept in a house. I have done it for twenty-three years out of my life it will not hurt me to do it again for a few more weeks. This makes eight months we have lived in this tent and she has spent the better of most of it tormenting me and I feel unsafe in my environment because she brings me to my boiling point too often. It frustrates my husband every time I have to tell him about something she did because she only does it when no one is around. We have caught her in a lie once and she got mad and walked into the other room, so I know she will not like what I have to say to her if I explode.

You know it’s one thing to accuse me of stealing something worth money or that is valuable, but don’t accuse me of taking some cake or food when I didn’t, but it is just the principle behind it. We have supported her for eight months with food and she wants to accuse me of stealing some of her dry ass cake. I need out of here and into this house so badly I can almost taste it. I don’t want to say I hate her because it is not in me to hate someone, I just dislike her very much but have to play the good daughter-in-law until tomorrow when we go to the store and buy some more food with our last money to keep down in the tent with us. I’m sorry everyone I just need to vent so that I can let it go and pull my anger back. Thanks for listening.

The Wicked Money Hungry Step Mother

Dalton, Georgia was a nice small town community with lots of memories for most folks, but it turned into one of the most exhausting, tormenting times for a couple named Carl and Brenda. Carl was a man of five foot nine, athletic build, shaved head and goatee. He had just gotten out of prison back in two thousand and ten for a crime he was innocent of which made him a sex offender for life. He suffered from bipolar disorder and schizophrenia for which he was receiving disability payments every month. He met his bride soon after getting out of prison at a mutual friends house one day and they became friends. It wasn’t until two thousand and thirteen when they finally decided to start dating.

Brenda lived alone with her two dogs Kayla and Kymarra in a one bedroom house she was renting from a slumlord who refused to fix anything. Carl would go over to her house to visit and their romance began. He would visit almost every day and both of them hated to see him leave. Brenda was a tall woman of six feet and her weight was proportionate to her height and build. When Carl first met her she was a phone actress for an entertainment company that serviced male callers. She was an independent woman taking care of herself and her dogs. She was a workaholic most days and did the best she could to look after her little family. Every night after Carl would leave to go home they would be on messenger together talking for hours.

One night, Brenda asked him through messenger if he would marry her, but was only joking about it, when Carl made the statement that he wanted to ask her that question the next day when he came over. So they chatted for a bit longer before Brenda was supposed to report for work. The next day when Carl came to visit he did in fact ask Brenda to marry him to which she agreed. From that moment on their relationship blossomed into a loving one which made them spontaneously decide to go to the courthouse to get married, and they did.

Once married, they went to his sister’s house who was happy for them and they became a family, which Brenda had not had in many years. They were going to his sisters for dinner or to visit almost every day. One day, Carl decided to find another house to live in because he felt his new bride deserved a better place. He found that house and quickly moved her in. She loved this new house because for one it was bigger than her old one. They tried to make it a home but stress played a part in Brenda becoming unhappy because she want to find a house to buy. Well, Carl’s other sister lived across the street from them and talked it over with his brother-in-law about the house next door to them for which he owned.

The agreement was made that they would commit to a rent to own deal so they could buy a house and make Brenda happy. It wasn’t long before the brother-in-law became a jerk to them and wanted more money and control over who came to visit. That made Carl and Brenda very disappointed. Not only did he want more money and control, but the breaker box in the house burned out and they were without power. The brother in law was notified the very same day but refused to fix the problem and only wanted his money every month. Carl and Brenda soon got bored and tired of his threats and decided to move out.

They ended up pitching a tent in Carl’s fathers’ backyard. Now Carl had a decent relationship with his father but the step mother wanted her say in everything. Carl and Brenda pretty much lost everything to live in a tent until they could find a place of their own. It was only supposed to be temporary but lasted longer than they wanted because Brenda herself became disabled and was waiting on her checks to come through which would help them move into their own house again.

Now Brenda had done everything she could to make things good between her and the step mother, but the step mother started to show her true side which was being money hungry. Carl and Brenda were living in a tent with nothing but a bed, television, and three dogs because Carl got a dog of his own, and Brenda was not working anymore. They had to live off of the little check that Carl drew each month which just barely covered their other bills. They had no extra money and then their car became inoperable which made things worse. Carl had to put off doctor’s appointments due to no transportation.

Bradford, Carl’s father, was a very supportive father and tried to do his best at helping his son and daughter in law out. He did this despite how the step mother felt about it. Brenda volunteered to clean their house for them, bought between three to five hundred dollars worth of food every month, and did whatever her and Carl could do around the house to help out. The step mother, Diana, was a very short woman who was overweight and a couch potato. All she really cared about was controlling the television and eating. Diana and Bradford had a mutual friend who was gay that they used to work with at one of the manufacturing plants here in town. She was always on the phone with him even during meal times.

Diana was a gossip who thought she knew everything and sometimes twisted the truth to suit her satisfaction. She never kept house but did most of the cooking. All she did all day when she was not cooking was complaining. Bradford did everything he could to ignore her because he has lived with her complaining for fourteen years now and was used to it. Well, even though Brenda helped out around the house by cleaning, some of the cooking, and putting food in the house, the step mother was always on to her about one thing or another.

She always complained to Brenda whenever the guys weren’t around and caused more stress on Brenda’s mind and body than she needed. Brenda was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder and depression. She didn’t have a good past and it still haunted her everyday. Brenda didn’t know how she would be from one day to the next and the step mother was slowly pushing her buttons. Brenda noticed that her step mother was unappreciative, greedy, money hungry, and soon disrespectful. It had gotten so bad that Brenda stopped cleaning her house and stayed most days in the tent just to not be around the step mother.

Now Brenda had always put plenty of food in the house and one month she only bought what was needed. It wasn’t good enough for the step mother so she complained. She verbally attacked the step daughter every time they were alone. Brenda couldn’t even walk into the house first thing in the morning without the step mother jumping on her about something. One day the step mother raised her voice and treated Brenda like she was a child and Brenda did everything she could to keep from going off on the woman, but went to the guys to tell them what happened. It made Brenda very upset that this woman could be so bad.

Carl and Brenda were doing everything they could to survive and didn’t need the step mother to cause more stress. Brenda wanted out of there more than the step mother did. Without having any money and the step mother knowing this, she constantly harped about some gas money to even go to the store two blocks away. She wanted money for everything even when Carl’s dad said we didn’t have to pay them gas money to take us anywhere. But the step mother persisted to beat down Brenda knowing that it could send her over the edge at any given time. To keep from having anymore confrontation with the step mother Brenda decided to start staying in the tent and not going into the house for anything but to shower.

When Brenda bought groceries this month and only bought what the house needed, she took half of the food down to the tent so her and Carl would have something to snack on at night. The step mother wasn’t well with things because Brenda didn’t even buy any meat this month and was complained at about that. Diana was just so annoying to Brenda and there wasn’t anything Brenda could do about it without causing more strife in the house. Brenda was at the point of pulling all the food from the house for which they were not even obligated to do but Carl and Bradford asked her to let it go.

Diana caught Brenda one morning when she went into the house to use the bathroom and complained some more to her about the food she bought and it stressed Brenda out to the point of which Brenda sat in the tent and cried. She was tired of being treated so badly. Diana stated to Brenda that because they weren’t paying any rent, nothing on the electric bill, and using their water, that it wasn’t fair or right when Brenda felt it was justified because she always put so much food in the house and even cleaned her house for her. Granted, Carl and Brenda did manage to give Bradford forty dollars one month towards the electric bill but Bradford hardly accepts any money from them because he understands how hard they are having it right now.

Carl and Brenda have discussed sitting down with Bradford and Diana and discussing what is going on, but Brenda is very cautious about that right now because she knows that what she says will make Diana angry and thus give way to a chance of them being evicted from the backyard. Bradford stated that he would not throw his son out because of a conflict with his wife, Diana.

Carl and Brenda have found a house that needs some renovations before moving in and are trying to come up with money to get it fixed. They can hardly wait to be rid of the step mother, Diana, and live on their own again. Bradford fears that once Carl and Brenda move that they will stay away and not visit. Carl and Brenda have already assured him that they will still visit him but keep a distance from Diana. Would you allow your step mother to treat you so badly and ungrateful? Any suggestions for Carl and Brenda to overcome the difficulties of living with the step mother?