Sometimes life can get in the way of your dreams or even hold you back a little. I know from personal experience how badly that can happen and how long it could take to finally see that light at the end of the tunnel. I have had quite a few hard times in life to know that it takes will-power mostly to hold on and endure through even the hardest of times. I spent my life being a people pleaser and not looking out for number one and it did take a toll on me mentally. I let people control me, my thinking, my life and it got me nowhere. Everyone is only out to get what they can get and sometimes that isn’t enough.
My life was full of heartache and dismay that it took me down some dark tunnels even to the point of contemplating self-harm. I got caught up in a whirlwind of drama, drugs, and sex that it made me think that I was only good enough for one thing and that was to please everyone else in order for them to like me. How could I expect everyone else to like me when I didn’t even like myself. I put up a mask for everyone just so they wouldn’t see how hurt I was feeling or depressed.
No one really knew the real me because I didn’t know the real me. I always played right into everyone else’s hand and fell for all of the mean jokes because at one point I didn’t care what happened. My whole life consisted of waking up every morning just to please everyone else at my expense. I was fading out pretty fast until someone who was close to me opened my eyes up to some critical thinking and that is when I started to realize I was worth more than any treasure.
God himself finally spoke to me and also showed me where my life was headed, but he also showed me another path as well. Once I realized all those feelings I was having, mostly when things were going wrong, it was His son holding my hand as I walked through the valley of the shadow of death. Literally, I was heading down a path that would end in my death.
Would anyone miss me? I don’t think so because that is how low my self-esteem and my environment had taken me. I was pretty much dancing the tango with the devil and would have sold him my soul if God had not intervened. God knew I needed someone to remind me of how much I was worth and so he sent me my current husband who loves me no matter what. He supports me even when I can’t support myself.
I deal with past issues every day and my husband always reminds me how much he loves me and that I can do anything I set my mind too. I can’t believe he tells me that even when I beat him up in my sleep from nightmares. But he loves me and now I can see that light at the end of the tunnel and how green those pastures are.
Everyone goes through some hard times and that’s okay because we are human. Some have it harder than others but that doesn’t make them any less of a person or makes them any better or lower in class. We are all equal and all bleed red when cut. It just takes some of us a little longer and with the correct vision to see that bright light at the end of the tunnel. When you do finally see it, even if it is a mile away, keep walking towards it and jumping all the hurdles along the way. One day you will be resting in those green pastures without a care in the world.
The one thing I have noticed in my life is that forgiveness forgives all. Once I commit to forgiving someone it feels as though this huge rock on my shoulder finally rolls off hitting the ground. I feel less burdened and like I can finally walk straight with my head held high. Whether the other person forgives or accepts your forgiveness is on them but I will not take any resentment, anger, or grudge to those pearly gates with me. Once you have forgiven others, ask God to forgive you and He will. God only gives us what we can bear and He always gives us a way out. I have carried grudges, anger, and resentment most of my life and it has beaten my body down. My body feels 40 years older than it should because of all that extra weight I was carrying around for years. Once I decided to let it all go and move forward, I can now stand up straight with my head high and not feel burdened anymore. Do you ever stop to think that your body aches and pains could be because of a rock that is sitting on your shoulders, or the extra weight you are carrying around? Believe me, if you commit to forgiving others, and yourself, it will lift that load off of you and your body will thank you for it. So when you have time, stand in front of a mirror, or across from another empty chair and talk to that person and tell them you forgive them. Once that is done, forgive yourself for holding all that inside and not letting it go when you should have. Once you have done that, ask God for forgiveness and immediately you will feel the release of the chains that have held that rock or weight on your shoulders. Feel the weight roll off of your back and hear it crashing to the ground. Now stand up straight, look in the mirror and smile at the new person standing there before you. I challenge you to commit to forgiveness and see how much it can do for your life. Become a new creature and experience life with new eyes and sight. Have a blessed day.
Some people say that turning the other cheek is a hard thing to do and I will agree with that, but only through God are you able to do it. He gives you the strength to turn the other cheek to someone and most of the time it is someone who doesn’t know God that will tempt you. Satan is very cunning and sometimes will even use those closest to you to tempt you into a confrontation. I am not sure if it was God who instilled in me to turn the other cheek but I do know that it has been an easy thing for me to do throughout the years. Don’t get me wrong I have held grudges against people but eventually, I have asked for forgiveness from them and from God. It used to feel like I was being bullied but in all aspect I pretty much was, but I could never find it inside myself to confront the person back. I know that sometimes it can be hard and I do understand that but I always keep telling myself that if someone does me wrong they always get something done back to them later on but never by my hand. God seeks revenge in His own time so it might be years down the road but they will pay the consequences for what they have done. So, just keep in mind that when someone hits you, wrongs you, or sins against you, just turn the other cheek and move on. They will get theirs in the long run.
Everyone in life makes mistakes and sometimes people keep making the same mistake over and over. There are plenty of things I am not proud of and some of them I do feel shame but it has been through God’s Mercy that I am able to be here today. He showed his mercy by breaking the bondage of drug addiction and prostitution in my life. He gave me a hope I didn’t know existed for someone like me. It has been through His direction and His time that we are redeemed and made new. I had fallen so low I was among the amoebas of life yet I still felt his presence with me. I endured teh most horrific things in life that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Things so terrible that I still live through the nightmares. Things you see on television are nothing compared to a true life actual event.
I know that I have not been the greatest of followers but He has been and is today still working on me and defining who He has for me to be. I am that pile of clay that He takes great care and love into molding into a perfect work of art. Sometimes I do have the regret of not listening to Him earlier in life but it has taken me this long to realize He is the one in control and will not put me in a position without a way out. He will not let me endure more than I can handle and has always been my friend and comforter. I acknowledge Him who sits on teh throne and that His son died on that cross for me. His son’e blood cleansed me even from two thousand years ago.
When I am down, saddened, or depressed, and even when I hold so much anger, He keeps me close until the emotion subsides. Not a lot of people believe in God, or Jesus for that matter, but if anyone had ever experienced or walked a day in my shoes they would definitely believe there was a higher power or force at work. Through God’s Mercy and understanding along with His patience I have been led by the hand down the path of life and have seen such wonderful sights and felt the most intense sense of being through my transformation. He has made me a new creature with a deep understanding of life and what it means to be human. He has given me the gift of compassion just as His son Jesus had compassion for sinners. I treat everyone like they could possibly be the savior or creator. I do not want to be left behind or fallen to teh wayside. I have a purpose in life just like everyone else has also. We are given gifts from the creator it is just up to those who accept it. I am a walking testimony that no matter how severe your past or life is that there will always be a hand to guide you through it to greener pastures. Just Believe.
I woke up fresh this morning ready to take on a new week. The wind is blowing like crazy and my daily dose of coffee is keeping me warm. I am finally able to get my blood sugar down to a better range and feel good about today. My husband got up to have coffee with me this morning and I am ready for a new day. I thank God every morning for allowing me to wake up another day. I ask for his mercy, grace, and strength to conquer the day. It has been cold here most of the week with temperatures down in teh upper twenties to lower thirties, brrrr. I can’t wait to see what the day holds for me but I feel that it will be a prosperous one. So to all of my family and friends out there, have a blessed day today.