Daily Journal 10/15/2017

Good evening, everyone. So sorry for it being so late but was doing some fall cleaning which needed to be done seriously. It has been an exhausting day with all the cleaning and what not but my mood is okay today.

I have been out of my fast acting insulin for a few days now and only surviving on the long-acting which has been doing good keeping my sugar down. I have been watching what I eat so that there are no sugar spikes. I will be going to a convenient care clinic tomorrow to get a prescription for fast-acting insulin because my next primary care doctor appointment isn’t until October thirtieth.

I felt good enough to cook dinner today which was roast with potatoes, carrots, and some onions. It came out so delicious and everyone liked it. I have not cooked a good meal like that in a very long time and told my sister-in-law that we need to go back to having good dinners on Sunday which used to be one of my traditions.

As for my writing, I am working on the second round of editing for “The Battle for Joshua” and have plans to send to the editor around the end of the month. I have begun the fourth chapter of my next book which is the first in a vampire series and I look to reading it when done.

My sleep has been broken again and then I got a call that I cant see my mental health doctor or therapist at this one clinic because of my Medicare insurance. So tomorrow I will be calling another place and seeing what they have to offer. I have seen this doctor before and she prescribed me medication that actually didn’t work for me so I am curious as to what she will give me now?

I am finally winding down being sick and now my husband is sick and not feeling well at all. He brags that he doesn’t get sick but sure enough, he was wrong and has what every other person in this house has and that is an upper respiratory infection with bronchitis. I am finally getting over mine and loving every minute of it because I hate being sick.

I should be able to get back on schedule tomorrow now that I feel better but we will see. I hope everyone had a great weekend and look forward to going back to work tomorrow? To everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and everyone else I wish you to have a quiet relaxing night. Take care.

Advertisements

Daily Journal 10/10/2017

Today has not been a very good day at all for me. Not only am I sick, but it just seemed like everything around me came crashing down this morning that invoked a mental breakdown. My husband and sister-in-law had to sick me down and let me cry for a few because I was feeling so angry that I just wanted to hit something.

Every little thing agitated me this morning and I became snappy at everyone around me and it just seemed like one thing after another came crashing down. I have come to realize that everyone else’s problems should be their own and not mine because besides having my own problems I have to deal with their issues and drama as well.

We moved our bedroom into the living room and our new mattress showed up this morning and the rest of our bed frame and everything should be here in the morning. My husband made a little corner of the room my corner so that it was my space. I can feel safe in my little corner without being bothered by anyone. This will be where I spend most of my time under the supervision of my husband so that I can remain safe.

I feel like I just want to isolate from the world again except through my writing. I have a heart of gold that wants to always open and help everyone around me even when it is detrimental to my own health and well-being, but I have to stop so that people cannot take advantage of my kindness anymore.

I want to devote myself to full-time writing so that I can share my stories plus make a better life for my husband, myself, and my dogs which are my babies. I cannot let everyone else’s drama interfere with my life anymore because it doesn’t help me and my family any and I am so tired of the stress.

Sometimes I wish I could just blink my eyes and my husband, babies, and I could just disappear to a deserted island or a place where no one else lived just so that I wouldn’t have to deal with other people. Even some family members are so screwed up that you know I go out of my way to help them and they slapped my face once and here they are getting ready to do it again and I can’t handle it.

Here we go again, I really feel like hitting something and getting all this pent up frustration out. I am going to put my face and mind in the computer and stay there and not deal with anyone else in this house except my husband. I have just had enough. I am canceling all appointments for tomorrow and just take some time for myself. I NEED IT!!

My therapist last week gave me an assignment to draw all the masks that I have ever used in life to hide the real me and give them a physical identity. It was supposed to be something I could do but right now the only mask wanting to come out would be anger and I need to roll my emotions back first before beginning this assignment. I apologize Jennifer that it is not possible at the moment.

Well, I need to get off here because I could rant and rave all day and it would not do me any good or anyone else. I want to wish everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and everyone else a glorious day.

Daily Journal 10/4/2017

Hello, everyone. Sorry to have not been here but I have been battling a severe cold with my sinuses and lungs. I am on antibiotics and cough suppressant now which make me a little groggy. I have had no appetite and always sleeping, but I finally got to my primary care doctor and we are working on getting me back to better health.

Today I just found out that the roommates with five kids will be moving out which will take away a lot of stress and drama. It is bad when you are trying to write and listening to a bunch of kids yelling and screaming and the parents do nothing about it.

Today I finished up the second chapter to my next book and began writing the third chapter which I am finding it interesting where my story is taking me. It will be a book series and I look forward to writing each one. I am also learning about myself as I write which is a good thing.

My husband has been very supportive of my writing and he takes care of me when I am sick. I cannot believe I married my best friend and such a loving person as him. I thank each day for God bringing him into my life because I am truly happy with him. He makes me feel like I am somebody.

Well, it is time for me to say goodnight and I wish everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else have an awesome evening. Take care.

 

Daily Journal 9/26/2017

Hello, everyone. Good evening friends and family old and new. It has been a day full of trials here at home and being sick does not help any. I have been sick since about Thursday evening and still dealing with the symptoms which have taken a toll on me today. I have already spoken to my husband and sister-in-law about precautions I am going to have to take since no one else in this house cares about my health.

The five children in this house have been passing upper respiratory infections back and forth because no one wants to wash their hands even after using the bathroom and do not cover their mouths when coughing or sneezing so I will be getting my own utensils, plate, bowl, and cup to keep sterile in my room.

Being diabetic and with a weak immune system, I am susceptible to getting pneumonia or worse and I will not allow these things to happen. My husband, sister-in-law, and I have agreed to go back to eating healthy since the others in the house love fried, greasy, and fatty foods which would do more harm to my health. So the bad foods stop here.

I finally have a good primary care doctor appointment set up for Monday to get my health back together. I haveĀ been dealing with hypoglycemia here lately to where the symptoms have been a little worse with each time. I need better diabetes management and better health care than I was getting from the health department. I made the effort and found someone I could trust with my health.

Now, on to my writing, it has been hard with me being sick and in bed, but I have managed to get the first one-thousand words of the second chapter of the new book written and should be writing some more this evening. I am trying to keep my spirits up so that I can enjoy writing again without all the distractions going on in this house but am hopeful that it will get better.

My husband just made me a snack because I have maybe eaten twice in the past four days due to having no appetite. So, I will say good night here and to everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else have an awesome night. Take care.

 

Daily Journal 9/15/2017

Happy Friday, Everyone!! It is finally the end of the work week for most and I am so excited that it is over because of having to get up early to go to doctor’s appointments. I had another rough night last night with not being able to sleep even with my meds. I ended up going to sleep at about four fifteen this morning and was back up at six o’clock. I stayed up until about nine because I had to take my niece to the insurance office to get insurance on her new vehicle and when I got back home I was feeling funny and queezy so I went to bed and just got up.

I am feeling okay now and ready to get to work on today’s stuff. I have started writing my next manuscript and already have five hundred words of the first chapter written and hopefully will be finishing the first chapter today. I have so many books running through my head and it is fun writing stories as I see them in my mind like I am there with my characters. I feel the emotions and actions of them which makes it so cool.

Since moving here to my husband’s sisters house, we have been more relaxed and my husband has gone back to being the affectionate man he used to be. He took care of my feet yesterday by washing them and putting lotion on them. With me being diabetic and having health issues he does everything he can to take care of me.

Well, it’s time to get to work and start writing. I hope everyone has a great Friday and to everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and we’ll talk again tomorrow. Take care.

Daily Journal 9/10/2017

Hello, everyone. Sorry to have disappeared for a few days. I have been dealing with some health issues that we haven’t quite figured out what is going on yet. I have been so tired and feeling so fatigued that all I do is want to sleep. I have no energy for anything and it frustrates me because I don’t know what is causing it. It has been going on for a couple weeks now but I will be seeing my therapist on Wednesday to see if she might have any ideas.

I actually sat here yesterday forcing myself to stay up and created my book writing monthly goal sheet. With everything from writing the chapters to three rounds of editing to sending it off to a professional editor, I will be writing my current list of books well into February two- thousand and nineteen. Not considering any other books I come up with between now and then, lol. I have a few ideas for some more but I have jotted them down just until I get my already extensive list of books down some. I plan to stay busy and creative.

As far as how my day is going, it is manageable. Yesterday my nephew’s girlfriend celebrated one of her son’s birthdays with a party to which I pretty much stayed in my room. I have been feeling somewhat isolated the last week or so and don’t care to be bothered with anyone else. I put on that happy face for everyone in the house but my husband and sister-in-law know that I am not being real and hiding what is going on on the inside. I am a person who holds everything in until I find a safe way to release it. I call it throwing up to my therapist, lol.

I know that I am getting older because of the way my body aches and hurts but I try to stay young at heart. Walking is difficult at times because my feet haven’t been cooperating with me lately, or hurting so much that I can’t walk. My husband tries to get me up and walking throughout the day but it hurts so bad. I remember back in two- thousand and ten when I walked from Orlando, Florida to the border of Texas for a charity walk for the homeless and here I can barely walk about thirty feet without hurting or stopping to rest.

I need to find a way to motivate myself and to keep myself up during the day but cannot figure out what to do. I have no problem sitting up at night and I have stayed up until three or four o’clock in the morning without even being tired. Those are days when I would get up in the morning and stay up all day too. I don’t know but I will be seeing my primary care physician on the twenty- sixth of this month if it is not mental health being the culprit.

Well, I will stop here so that I can make use of my up time and finish the last chapter of my book “The Battle for Joshua”. I will begin the first round of editing tomorrow and look forward to sending it off to the editor. So, to everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday”, and to everyone else have an awesome Sunday. Take care.

Daily Journal 9/4/2017

“Happy Labor Day, everyone!!” I did nothing but sleep today because I haven’t felt too good and then my sugar plummeted earlier and it made me shake real bad. I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything today after taking my insulin but we got my sugar back under control so all is good.

I have the first eleven chapters of Joshua printed up and ready for editing I just need to finish the last two chapters so I will have it completed in its entirety. I have been printing up and working on my addictions book notes and organizing the outline for the book. It has been less stressful being here with family and I just need to get my motivation back.

I have been feeling sick for the past few days with body aches and not being able to eat dinner for the last two nights. I walked to the nearest Dollar General to find an ethernet cable but only walked a huge blister into the pad of my foot which has now been doctored up to keep infection away.

My husband was going to soak my feet and then wash them and take care of them for me until I got this blister so now we have to wait until it heals. He takes really good care of me especially with me being a diabetic with mental health issues. I love him so much for everything he does for me and my dogs love him to death as well.

Well, it is back to work for everyone tomorrow and I will say my good nights now. To everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday”, and to everyone else, have a restful night. Take care.

Daily Journal 8/30/2017

Morning, everyone. How are we doing today? I wish I could say my day started off good, but it didn’t. When you have a family meeting and people are not willing to give in to compromise or allow someone to help to make a situation better is just so frustrating. Then, for them to make a statement that you accused them of not caring about their kids is hurtful when it was not meant that way and that was not even insinuated.

It just throws your whole day off and makes you not want to say anything else because it will be interpreted the wrong way. I will just keep quiet from now on and bury myself into my writing and save up money to move into our own place so that I won’t be a problem for anyone anymore.

I know that I might sound like a wuss but because of my mental health status, it makes me very vulnerable to people’s words. I take things so hard that it just happens and then the rest of my day is depressing and everything is hurtful and I find myself crying all day that it makes my husband frustrated because he can’t fix me.

Well, that is enough of my depressing talk, so I will end this post here and hopefully have a better tomorrow. To everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else, have an awesome hump day. Take care.

Daily Journal 8/18/2017

Hello, everyone. It is a hot but beautiful day here in Dalton, Georgia. We are staying at my sister-in-law’s house because we have been screwed over so much lately that it was going to force us to sleep in our car until she offered to let us stay with her. We are going to save up our money to get a place of our own. We will never let anyone live with us again or stay with anyone else because it is ridiculous how people love to take advantage of another person for personal gain.

I love staying with my sister-in-law because she too is OCD about cleanliness and we get along so well. We are going today to get the rest of our stuff from the dilapidated trailer that our previous roommates tried to get us to fix and make livable. We are tired of being used, abused, and having our kindness taken for a weakness.

I will be able to get back to writing now which was very helpful with my mental health status. I should be able to finish Joshua this weekend and begin editing. I have been so stressed out lately that writing was not possible. I could not think clearly and constantly worrying about things. Now I feel more relaxed and my creative juices can now flow and get back to what I love, writing.

Now it is time for me to get some things done like cleaning the house and then setting up my work station for book writing. I look forward to each day now and being very happy with my husband whom I love very much. I wish everyone could have a loving and caring relationship like ours. So let me say goodbye for now and I wish everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else have a great Friday.

Daily Journal 8/11/2017

Hello, everyone! I apologize for not writing until now. We have moved from the house we were living in and have gone off the grid for a bit. We are roughing it out in the boonies and have no internet as of yet. We are staying a few days with my sister-in-law so that we can take care of a few things online and plus we just bought brakes for our car and my husband will be installing them tomorrow because it is raining outside.

I have still been working on my book and will be able to send it to the editor around the first of the month before publishing. I am having a wonderful time writing my book and I find it very relaxing which makes it a good coping mechanism for my mental health. I am already looking forward to writing the next one and the ones after that. I have plenty of books to keep me busy for at least another year.

I just found out that my ex-husband and his new wife moved in down the street from where we were living so it was a good thing we moved from there before any drama got started. He and the woman they moved in with are both mine and my husband’s exes. They caused so many issues when we first got married it was unreal but they have been quiet for awhile now which we really appreciate.

We have been married for four years come October and we are still on our honeymoon so my husband says, but I feel that we are more in love with each other now than when we first got married. I love him so much and I am very thankful for him. He is truly my soul mate.

Well, it is time for me to get back to working on my book and relaxing. I want to wish everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday”, and to everyone else, have a very awesome Friday. Take care.