Daily Journal 7/21/2017

Good evening, everyone! Happy Friday!! I slept in a little today which is great for me and have gotten quite a bit of my daily schedule done. My husband is off with our roommates running some errands so I am here with the animals with some peace and quiet. I finally finished chapter ten last night of Joshua and will be doing chapter eleven today. It is coming along nicely and it should be launching by August fifth, that is the goal anyway.

My plans for this weekend are pretty much the same as every weekend, writing my book. I like writing and it is a coping mechanism for my mental health. I just took the dogs out for some outdoor time and the puppies found a branch they wanted to play with so I brought it inside since they are teething they have something they can chew on but it will take them awhile to even break some of it up.

Today I feel pretty good and I seem to be happy so far since being back on meds and the doctor making the dosages higher. Now if I can just get my husband to clean up his man cave we will be good. We are still up in the air about moving to a place of our own since the old roommate keeps saying she is moving back in since the house is still in her name which we were going to let the landlord know she moved out and if he would rent the house to us so we could stop her from moving back in.

We are going to try and stay here for another month until this one trailer opens up September first and then we could move there and have plenty of space for the dogs to run and play. My main concern is having a large enough yard for them to run and have fun. These are my kids and I want to provide for them.

Well, it is time to get writing and I look forward to seeing some feedback on all of my writing and hope everyone has a wonderful evening. “Happy Birthday” to everyone who has a birthday today and may you have many more. Take care and God Bless.

Daily Journal 7/11/2017

Hello, everyone! How are we doing today? It is such a beautiful day outside and my mental health status is doing pretty good today. Physically, my body aches a little but not enough to make me stay in bed all day being unproductive. My husband got up today and actually swept and mopped the floors for me. We are waiting for one of his friends to come help him with the transmission to our truck so that we can get it running.

I have gotten my to-do lists created and ready and I feel pretty good about it. Things have calmed down since the roommate left. I feel less stressed and my husband has been better as well. We are meeting with his case worker today to find out about our housing voucher for a place of our own. They will help us pay the rent for a year so that we can get stable financially.

I feel good about our future and making a living as a writer. Realistically, my goal has changed and will be that I should have at least thirteen books published this year. We will see, but for now, my hopes are upwards of that. I have plenty of time to write and find solace in my writing.

Well, I just got some bad news, our roommate is coming back and I instantly felt my stress level rise to becoming overwhelming. I spent a whole week getting this house cleaned from cat spray and dog urine to know she is coming back to make the house nasty again within the first week of her being here.

I have already agreed and stated to myself that I am not going to cater to her and that my goals and deadlines are more important than her. My husband will probably stay in his man cave quite a bit just to stay out of the conflict. She is going to be mad as hell because I will be refusing her, but I don’t care anymore. I need to live for me and my husband and our kids.

Sorry, I am venting some of this stress right now. I love all of my friends and family on here because you are all good listeners. I don’t know when she will be here, but I will definitely let you all know because I will need to vent again, lol.

Time for me to get some writing done but to everyone with a birthday, and you know who you are, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else, I wish for you an awesomely blessed day. Take care.

Daily Journal 7/1/2017

Well, yesterday was a long day for me. Fighting with Amazon to get my manuscript right on the upload but I managed to get it up on there. I now have two published books up on Amazon and I feel pretty good about that. Here at home things are becoming stressed out, again. We go through this every month with our roommate about how she is moving out and her attitude changes. I have gotten to my wit’s end and now I am on another journey. I am so busy doing for everybody else and taking care of everybody else that it has hindered me from doing anything for me. Now, after talking it over and showing my anger with my therapist we decided it is time for me to do me now. To hell with everybody else and do things for me.

I am not sure if my husband understands that because of his tunnel vision for sleep, television, or video games but I do know that I don’t think he understands what all this is even doing to me or how I feel on the inside. He made the statement the other night how I am always stressed, well damn look at what I have to go through. He is right though, being here is a huge stressor and we need a place of our own. Our mental health team is working on that because both of my therapists deem this an unsafe environment for us and are looking to get us out of here asap.

I want to thank all of you, my readers, for listening and encouraging me to move forward and providing me the strength and support I need. I do appreciate each and every one of you to the fullest. I am so glad that I created this place to vent and it allows everyone the chance to get to know me and see that I am just another human that makes mistakes. But enough of that I still have a full list of to-do items to get done today and need to get started. For those who have a birthday today, “Happy Birthday”, and to everyone else, I wish a happy and blessed Saturday. Take care.

Daily Journal 6/26/2017

Hello, everyone. I have been so stressed out lately and it has been showing. Tomorrow I get to learn which Hepatitis I have and how much liver and kidney function I have remaining. Not knowing is the hardest part. Now, on top of a hernia, I have to deal with these issues as well and tomorrow my life will change, again. I have spent the last few days printing up information on all the different types of Hepatitis, their causes, their treatments, and anything else I could find. All I know right now is that my liver is enlarged and I have fatty liver disease. It is just so frustrating.

I did not get out of bed today until one o’clock this afternoon. My mental health doctor called to reschedule my appointment for next Thursday which means I will have to go another week without some of my medications, and my therapist was supposed to be here today but she texted me to reschedule for Wednesday. Today has just gone to crap like I need more.

I started back writing my book again yesterday to try and put my mind somewhere else and it worked for a little bit. I guess once I hear the news tomorrow I will know how to live again. We cannot figure out how I got Hepatitis in the first place. My liver enzymes were slightly elevated in blood tests last June but it was not a big concern. I have been trying to motivate myself back into my writing by telling myself that I could die from this and I need to get all of my books done. That has been helping me, lol.

Well, I am going to try and get back into writing and see where that world takes me. For everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else, have an awesomely blessed day.

Daily Journal 5/31/2017

Hello, everyone. It has been the craziest week for us. First, we live with someone who has multiple personalities and we never know which one we are dealing with half the time. She has been told several times and even before we moved in here that I am a writer who has deadlines and schedules, does that matter, no. Every time I turn around it is something with her. She can be so hardheaded that it makes me ill.

Yesterday, for example, she wanted to go to the store and get some things on credit, but when she got home and found that her available credit remaining on her prepaid power was only $6.oo, she began flipping out and tried to take off in her car knowing she can’t see. I pawned my laptop to be able to put some money on the power bill but she would not let me use the car, so I had to walk approximately three miles to the power company knowing I am not supposed to be walking that far without hurting really bad.

I made it there, but my sugar had dropped way too low and I called my husband to let him know I would be stopping for a little bit until my sugar can regulate. It isn’t fair that he gets pulled in between her and I and I am always apologizing to him for us being here in the first place. I regret moving here sincerely but I have informed his case worker we want a housing voucher that would get us into our own place. I have realized that she is a threat to my mental health and it needs to be corrected fast.

I apologize that I am throwing up my issues all over the place but sometimes you readers are my only outlet for my stress and anxiety. Tomorrow I plan to stick to my new schedule come hell or high water and will be soon finishing my second book since I have had a few days worth of setbacks. Thank you to everyone who listens when I rant and rave but everything will get better. I have to think positively. 🙂

I wish everyone a great day and be blessed in your endeavors.

Daily Journal 2/22/2017

Good afternoon friends and family of the East Coast, and good morning to my family and friends on the West Coast. I have been missing all of you and my writing. I have been sick about a week now with the flu and my husband just went down yesterday. You know, living in a tent with your husband and two and three-quarter dogs with the flu is not a good scene. 🙂 I have made it over my week hurdle with it and I am finally able to sit here at my computer and talk to my friends and family. They say the flu usually lasts between one and two weeks so I should be on my way to recovery.

It is not like I haven’t tried to sit here, but it drove my husband crazy when we had to exchange seating every few minutes because I wanted to write but once in front of the computer, I would feel dizzy and nausea, so back to the bed I went. You guys and gals mean that much to me even when so sick I wish for death to come. I have been trying to keep you guys up to date on my health progress and I do wish health for you all. I don’t get sick that often but when I do it hits me like a train and I am usually down for weeks.

So, what have I missed besides all of you? 🙂 I am in recovery and ready to get back to writing no matter what my body wants. I have been doing some reading and research on writing and editing while not able to write and I am going to put my book publishing on hold for a minute. I am still going to publish it, but I am giving it another read through and to see if I can get a beta reader to read it for feedback. I still feel like it needs some polishing. I had it checked last night for its readability and the results were that it can be read down to the fourth-grade level which in my eyes is good for the type of issues it discusses. You have to consider that some people in my generation and before did not graduate high school, and some do not read beyond elementary levels. I also want it to be easy reading for those who have brain issues, epilepsy, and memory loss.

The issues I talk about in my book can relate mostly to those who dropped out of school at an early age and to those who have been abused or traumatized. I also want it to give people an understanding of what some people go through and how it affects them. So, I think that having a book that anyone is capable of reading is a good thing. Others may disagree so I am going to seek advice before making any drastic changes to it to bring the readability up higher. I welcome feedback from all of you as well. I take the advice of my friends and family seriously to heart.

Well, I need to get some stuff done while I feel up to it and hope everyone has a great and awesome day. Happy Humpday Everyone!!

Daily Journal 2/20/2017

Hello, Everyone. First I want to apologize for my absence for the last two days. I noted in my last post that I had been sick for a few days, well let’s just say that without anything for cold symptoms come Saturday night I wanted to die. I was so sick, I couldn’t even keep fluids down, hot and cold flashes, vomiting, and my body aches were so extreme that even my hands hurt. Right now, my ribcage and my diaphragm hurt from all the coughing. I just wanted to die Saturday night. I am up a little today but not much. I still have a foggy head and a little wobbly in the legs.

I think it could have been worse had I not started taking vitamin C when I noticed that I was getting sick. I don’t get sick that often but when I do it goes to the extremes in taking me down. I still have a slight headache but I need to get functioning which will help me bounce back. I went to bed Friday night and haven’t been up until this morning. I have been feverish since Saturday morning and still feel a bit feverish but I can’t stay in the bed like that without my body hurting.

On to a brighter note, I am back writing this morning and I know it will probably take a few days to get back on my schedule with recovery time and everything, but I want to let everyone know I’m still here. So, I will get back to my writing and pump out some more of those short stories for your enjoyment. I wish everyone a healthy and blessed day :).

Daily Journal 2/16/2017

This morning has been rough. I woke up to a lot of pain in my lower back which radiated around my hips causing me to hurt bad enough to cry. I went back to lay down and my husband tried to comfort me until I fell asleep to get away from the pain. I just got up a little while ago and have taken prescribed medication for the pain. I am able to sit here with minimal pain and ready to start my day of writing. We have been working on the new house for the past three days and have made good progress. The kitchen floor is almost complete and then to finish the wiring for inspection. I perceive us to be in the new house hopefully by mid-March. We just want it livable to get moved in and will continue working on it one room at a time until it is restored. It is an old house that was built in nineteen thirty-eight and has been empty for quite a few years. The previous tenants left it full of trash so we had to clean it out first before doing any repairs.

I have already discussed with my husband what I would like to do to the inside as far as interior design and set up. He agreed to let me do the designing he will just do the grunt work as he puts it. But, other than this, things are moving forward and we look forward to being in this house soon.

Other news today is that I have been working on my spreadsheet of literary journals and magazines that I will be submitting short stories to for publication. Some pay and some do not but I am looking at just having them published to gain some literary ground. I have rethought my first book and besides adding one more chapter I am now writing two extra chapters to finish it off before publishing.

So there you have it, my journal for today. I hope everyone is having a great day so far and I wish happy creativity and prosperity for everyone. Be healthy and God Bless.

Accusations Cause Disrespect

You know everything you think about can sometimes make you or break you. People, like myself, who have mental health issues hold a lot of things in whether they are good or bad. We can be some of the nicest people you will ever meet, but we can also explode like a nuclear bomb when setting off. The best part is society tries to hold us accountable for our actions but a doctor will tell different based on each individual’s mental health status. A good scenario will be one of my experiences. I have told my step-mother-in-law that I never know how I am going to wake up every morning whether I am going to have a good day or bad day. The moment I walk into the room, she is all over me about something, whether it is “telling me”that I am cooking dinner, or when I am going to wash our clothes. She is just overbearing sometimes and I don’t understand how my father-in-law puts up with her. All day long she does nothing but complain and gossip. Yet, she professes to be an “anointed” Christian. She tries to stick her nose into other people’s business just so she has something to gossip about.

Well, she has not wanted for anything as far as food is concerned for the last seven months.We have packed both her refrigerator and stand-up freezer with food and it isn’t good enough for her she wants more like the glutton she is. She is maybe four feet tall and weighs just as much as me at about two hundred and fifty pounds. Granted I stand about six feet and built like a football player. Everyone on this side of the family calls her a “troll”, but I have tried to be nice. She just makes it impossible. Whenever I bake a cake I am required to share it with her, but she made a cake tonight, and when I politely asked her for a piece, she accused me of stealing, or sneaking, cake out of the house. I went in to grab a few cans of ravioli’s and this is what I’m met with. I am so angry that I cried. It is so petty to accuse someone of taking some food, but it is the respect thing and the fact that she accused me of taking food when for the last seven months she has been eating off of my husband and myself. She even feeds her daughter, who makes more money than God, with the food we put in the house. She doesn’t think she does any wrong and I am so over it and tired of holding my tongue to this woman but I do out of respect for my father-in-law. I respect him but she has lost any respect from me and she will find out when we buy food again.

She made the comment the other that we have to buy groceries and we are not doing it. We live in a tent in their yard so we will act like we are homeless and buy food that doesn’t need to be kept in a house. I have done it for twenty-three years out of my life it will not hurt me to do it again for a few more weeks. This makes eight months we have lived in this tent and she has spent the better of most of it tormenting me and I feel unsafe in my environment because she brings me to my boiling point too often. It frustrates my husband every time I have to tell him about something she did because she only does it when no one is around. We have caught her in a lie once and she got mad and walked into the other room, so I know she will not like what I have to say to her if I explode.

You know it’s one thing to accuse me of stealing something worth money or that is valuable, but don’t accuse me of taking some cake or food when I didn’t, but it is just the principle behind it. We have supported her for eight months with food and she wants to accuse me of stealing some of her dry ass cake. I need out of here and into this house so badly I can almost taste it. I don’t want to say I hate her because it is not in me to hate someone, I just dislike her very much but have to play the good daughter-in-law until tomorrow when we go to the store and buy some more food with our last money to keep down in the tent with us. I’m sorry everyone I just need to vent so that I can let it go and pull my anger back. Thanks for listening.