Daily Journal 9/15/2017

Happy Friday, Everyone!! It is finally the end of the work week for most and I am so excited that it is over because of having to get up early to go to doctor’s appointments. I had another rough night last night with not being able to sleep even with my meds. I ended up going to sleep at about four fifteen this morning and was back up at six o’clock. I stayed up until about nine because I had to take my niece to the insurance office to get insurance on her new vehicle and when I got back home I was feeling funny and queezy so I went to bed and just got up.

I am feeling okay now and ready to get to work on today’s stuff. I have started writing my next manuscript and already have five hundred words of the first chapter written and hopefully will be finishing the first chapter today. I have so many books running through my head and it is fun writing stories as I see them in my mind like I am there with my characters. I feel the emotions and actions of them which makes it so cool.

Since moving here to my husband’s sisters house, we have been more relaxed and my husband has gone back to being the affectionate man he used to be. He took care of my feet yesterday by washing them and putting lotion on them. With me being diabetic and having health issues he does everything he can to take care of me.

Well, it’s time to get to work and start writing. I hope everyone has a great Friday and to everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and we’ll talk again tomorrow. Take care.

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Daily Journal 9/10/2017

Hello, everyone. Sorry to have disappeared for a few days. I have been dealing with some health issues that we haven’t quite figured out what is going on yet. I have been so tired and feeling so fatigued that all I do is want to sleep. I have no energy for anything and it frustrates me because I don’t know what is causing it. It has been going on for a couple weeks now but I will be seeing my therapist on Wednesday to see if she might have any ideas.

I actually sat here yesterday forcing myself to stay up and created my book writing monthly goal sheet. With everything from writing the chapters to three rounds of editing to sending it off to a professional editor, I will be writing my current list of books well into February two- thousand and nineteen. Not considering any other books I come up with between now and then, lol. I have a few ideas for some more but I have jotted them down just until I get my already extensive list of books down some. I plan to stay busy and creative.

As far as how my day is going, it is manageable. Yesterday my nephew’s girlfriend celebrated one of her son’s birthdays with a party to which I pretty much stayed in my room. I have been feeling somewhat isolated the last week or so and don’t care to be bothered with anyone else. I put on that happy face for everyone in the house but my husband and sister-in-law know that I am not being real and hiding what is going on on the inside. I am a person who holds everything in until I find a safe way to release it. I call it throwing up to my therapist, lol.

I know that I am getting older because of the way my body aches and hurts but I try to stay young at heart. Walking is difficult at times because my feet haven’t been cooperating with me lately, or hurting so much that I can’t walk. My husband tries to get me up and walking throughout the day but it hurts so bad. I remember back in two- thousand and ten when I walked from Orlando, Florida to the border of Texas for a charity walk for the homeless and here I can barely walk about thirty feet without hurting or stopping to rest.

I need to find a way to motivate myself and to keep myself up during the day but cannot figure out what to do. I have no problem sitting up at night and I have stayed up until three or four o’clock in the morning without even being tired. Those are days when I would get up in the morning and stay up all day too. I don’t know but I will be seeing my primary care physician on the twenty- sixth of this month if it is not mental health being the culprit.

Well, I will stop here so that I can make use of my up time and finish the last chapter of my book “The Battle for Joshua”. I will begin the first round of editing tomorrow and look forward to sending it off to the editor. So, to everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday”, and to everyone else have an awesome Sunday. Take care.

Daily Journal 9/4/2017

“Happy Labor Day, everyone!!” I did nothing but sleep today because I haven’t felt too good and then my sugar plummeted earlier and it made me shake real bad. I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything today after taking my insulin but we got my sugar back under control so all is good.

I have the first eleven chapters of Joshua printed up and ready for editing I just need to finish the last two chapters so I will have it completed in its entirety. I have been printing up and working on my addictions book notes and organizing the outline for the book. It has been less stressful being here with family and I just need to get my motivation back.

I have been feeling sick for the past few days with body aches and not being able to eat dinner for the last two nights. I walked to the nearest Dollar General to find an ethernet cable but only walked a huge blister into the pad of my foot which has now been doctored up to keep infection away.

My husband was going to soak my feet and then wash them and take care of them for me until I got this blister so now we have to wait until it heals. He takes really good care of me especially with me being a diabetic with mental health issues. I love him so much for everything he does for me and my dogs love him to death as well.

Well, it is back to work for everyone tomorrow and I will say my good nights now. To everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday”, and to everyone else, have a restful night. Take care.

Daily Journal 8/30/2017

Morning, everyone. How are we doing today? I wish I could say my day started off good, but it didn’t. When you have a family meeting and people are not willing to give in to compromise or allow someone to help to make a situation better is just so frustrating. Then, for them to make a statement that you accused them of not caring about their kids is hurtful when it was not meant that way and that was not even insinuated.

It just throws your whole day off and makes you not want to say anything else because it will be interpreted the wrong way. I will just keep quiet from now on and bury myself into my writing and save up money to move into our own place so that I won’t be a problem for anyone anymore.

I know that I might sound like a wuss but because of my mental health status, it makes me very vulnerable to people’s words. I take things so hard that it just happens and then the rest of my day is depressing and everything is hurtful and I find myself crying all day that it makes my husband frustrated because he can’t fix me.

Well, that is enough of my depressing talk, so I will end this post here and hopefully have a better tomorrow. To everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else, have an awesome hump day. Take care.

Daily Journal 8/18/2017

Hello, everyone. It is a hot but beautiful day here in Dalton, Georgia. We are staying at my sister-in-law’s house because we have been screwed over so much lately that it was going to force us to sleep in our car until she offered to let us stay with her. We are going to save up our money to get a place of our own. We will never let anyone live with us again or stay with anyone else because it is ridiculous how people love to take advantage of another person for personal gain.

I love staying with my sister-in-law because she too is OCD about cleanliness and we get along so well. We are going today to get the rest of our stuff from the dilapidated trailer that our previous roommates tried to get us to fix and make livable. We are tired of being used, abused, and having our kindness taken for a weakness.

I will be able to get back to writing now which was very helpful with my mental health status. I should be able to finish Joshua this weekend and begin editing. I have been so stressed out lately that writing was not possible. I could not think clearly and constantly worrying about things. Now I feel more relaxed and my creative juices can now flow and get back to what I love, writing.

Now it is time for me to get some things done like cleaning the house and then setting up my work station for book writing. I look forward to each day now and being very happy with my husband whom I love very much. I wish everyone could have a loving and caring relationship like ours. So let me say goodbye for now and I wish everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else have a great Friday.

Daily Journal 8/11/2017

Hello, everyone! I apologize for not writing until now. We have moved from the house we were living in and have gone off the grid for a bit. We are roughing it out in the boonies and have no internet as of yet. We are staying a few days with my sister-in-law so that we can take care of a few things online and plus we just bought brakes for our car and my husband will be installing them tomorrow because it is raining outside.

I have still been working on my book and will be able to send it to the editor around the first of the month before publishing. I am having a wonderful time writing my book and I find it very relaxing which makes it a good coping mechanism for my mental health. I am already looking forward to writing the next one and the ones after that. I have plenty of books to keep me busy for at least another year.

I just found out that my ex-husband and his new wife moved in down the street from where we were living so it was a good thing we moved from there before any drama got started. He and the woman they moved in with are both mine and my husband’s exes. They caused so many issues when we first got married it was unreal but they have been quiet for awhile now which we really appreciate.

We have been married for four years come October and we are still on our honeymoon so my husband says, but I feel that we are more in love with each other now than when we first got married. I love him so much and I am very thankful for him. He is truly my soul mate.

Well, it is time for me to get back to working on my book and relaxing. I want to wish everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday”, and to everyone else, have a very awesome Friday. Take care.

Daily Journal 7/21/2017

Good evening, everyone! Happy Friday!! I slept in a little today which is great for me and have gotten quite a bit of my daily schedule done. My husband is off with our roommates running some errands so I am here with the animals with some peace and quiet. I finally finished chapter ten last night of Joshua and will be doing chapter eleven today. It is coming along nicely and it should be launching by August fifth, that is the goal anyway.

My plans for this weekend are pretty much the same as every weekend, writing my book. I like writing and it is a coping mechanism for my mental health. I just took the dogs out for some outdoor time and the puppies found a branch they wanted to play with so I brought it inside since they are teething they have something they can chew on but it will take them awhile to even break some of it up.

Today I feel pretty good and I seem to be happy so far since being back on meds and the doctor making the dosages higher. Now if I can just get my husband to clean up his man cave we will be good. We are still up in the air about moving to a place of our own since the old roommate keeps saying she is moving back in since the house is still in her name which we were going to let the landlord know she moved out and if he would rent the house to us so we could stop her from moving back in.

We are going to try and stay here for another month until this one trailer opens up September first and then we could move there and have plenty of space for the dogs to run and play. My main concern is having a large enough yard for them to run and have fun. These are my kids and I want to provide for them.

Well, it is time to get writing and I look forward to seeing some feedback on all of my writing and hope everyone has a wonderful evening. “Happy Birthday” to everyone who has a birthday today and may you have many more. Take care and God Bless.

Daily Journal 7/11/2017

Hello, everyone! How are we doing today? It is such a beautiful day outside and my mental health status is doing pretty good today. Physically, my body aches a little but not enough to make me stay in bed all day being unproductive. My husband got up today and actually swept and mopped the floors for me. We are waiting for one of his friends to come help him with the transmission to our truck so that we can get it running.

I have gotten my to-do lists created and ready and I feel pretty good about it. Things have calmed down since the roommate left. I feel less stressed and my husband has been better as well. We are meeting with his case worker today to find out about our housing voucher for a place of our own. They will help us pay the rent for a year so that we can get stable financially.

I feel good about our future and making a living as a writer. Realistically, my goal has changed and will be that I should have at least thirteen books published this year. We will see, but for now, my hopes are upwards of that. I have plenty of time to write and find solace in my writing.

Well, I just got some bad news, our roommate is coming back and I instantly felt my stress level rise to becoming overwhelming. I spent a whole week getting this house cleaned from cat spray and dog urine to know she is coming back to make the house nasty again within the first week of her being here.

I have already agreed and stated to myself that I am not going to cater to her and that my goals and deadlines are more important than her. My husband will probably stay in his man cave quite a bit just to stay out of the conflict. She is going to be mad as hell because I will be refusing her, but I don’t care anymore. I need to live for me and my husband and our kids.

Sorry, I am venting some of this stress right now. I love all of my friends and family on here because you are all good listeners. I don’t know when she will be here, but I will definitely let you all know because I will need to vent again, lol.

Time for me to get some writing done but to everyone with a birthday, and you know who you are, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else, I wish for you an awesomely blessed day. Take care.

Daily Journal 7/1/2017

Well, yesterday was a long day for me. Fighting with Amazon to get my manuscript right on the upload but I managed to get it up on there. I now have two published books up on Amazon and I feel pretty good about that. Here at home things are becoming stressed out, again. We go through this every month with our roommate about how she is moving out and her attitude changes. I have gotten to my wit’s end and now I am on another journey. I am so busy doing for everybody else and taking care of everybody else that it has hindered me from doing anything for me. Now, after talking it over and showing my anger with my therapist we decided it is time for me to do me now. To hell with everybody else and do things for me.

I am not sure if my husband understands that because of his tunnel vision for sleep, television, or video games but I do know that I don’t think he understands what all this is even doing to me or how I feel on the inside. He made the statement the other night how I am always stressed, well damn look at what I have to go through. He is right though, being here is a huge stressor and we need a place of our own. Our mental health team is working on that because both of my therapists deem this an unsafe environment for us and are looking to get us out of here asap.

I want to thank all of you, my readers, for listening and encouraging me to move forward and providing me the strength and support I need. I do appreciate each and every one of you to the fullest. I am so glad that I created this place to vent and it allows everyone the chance to get to know me and see that I am just another human that makes mistakes. But enough of that I still have a full list of to-do items to get done today and need to get started. For those who have a birthday today, “Happy Birthday”, and to everyone else, I wish a happy and blessed Saturday. Take care.

Daily Journal 6/26/2017

Hello, everyone. I have been so stressed out lately and it has been showing. Tomorrow I get to learn which Hepatitis I have and how much liver and kidney function I have remaining. Not knowing is the hardest part. Now, on top of a hernia, I have to deal with these issues as well and tomorrow my life will change, again. I have spent the last few days printing up information on all the different types of Hepatitis, their causes, their treatments, and anything else I could find. All I know right now is that my liver is enlarged and I have fatty liver disease. It is just so frustrating.

I did not get out of bed today until one o’clock this afternoon. My mental health doctor called to reschedule my appointment for next Thursday which means I will have to go another week without some of my medications, and my therapist was supposed to be here today but she texted me to reschedule for Wednesday. Today has just gone to crap like I need more.

I started back writing my book again yesterday to try and put my mind somewhere else and it worked for a little bit. I guess once I hear the news tomorrow I will know how to live again. We cannot figure out how I got Hepatitis in the first place. My liver enzymes were slightly elevated in blood tests last June but it was not a big concern. I have been trying to motivate myself back into my writing by telling myself that I could die from this and I need to get all of my books done. That has been helping me, lol.

Well, I am going to try and get back into writing and see where that world takes me. For everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else, have an awesomely blessed day.