Daily Journal 4/5/2018

Hello everyone. Sorry I missed yesterday posting on here and got a late start today. I just got out of a doctor’s appointment where a cast was put on my foot because of a diabetic ulcer under my big toe. Now, I am sitting out in front of a chiropractor’s office where my husband is getting checked and adjusted because of a car accident he was in. He was the passenger and the driver thought doing sixty in a thirty-five zone would be beneficial to get to where I was dealing with my sister-in-law having a bad seizure. A car suddenly stopped in front of them and they rear-ended it. He is okay but his neck and back hurt and he cannot help me as much because of it.

After we leave here we are stopping by the dealership to have our car washed and then back home where I can get some writing done. I miss my writing but now things are going back to normal and our friend came home from the hospital today which is great because we missed him. I thought that I would have had my next book ready for the editor at the beginning of this month but things got crazy for a minute dealing with family and now that I have washed my hands of them I am free to get back to living my life.

Today, the plan is to get back into working on it and having it ready before the end of the month. The way things look I might be able to have the two books I have been working on ready for the editor. I can write pretty much a whole five-thousand-word chapter a night when left alone which means that both books should be completed. Also, I have in mind of writing an erotic short story book which wouldn’t take long because I have what I need to get started. I just need to find out where to publish it at since Amazon might not appreciate it being on their site. I will have to check into it.

I do have a few things to do when I first get home like starting some laundry, sweeping and mopping the floors, and thinking about what to cook for dinner. Yes, being with a cast on my leg I still have to do things around the house. It is my punishment because I don’t know how to stay off my feet, lol.

Well, we made it home and was happy to see my friend home from the hospital. My husband is now trying to fix one of the lawnmowers so the grass can be cut. I am sitting out here on the porch writing this post so that I can also spend time with him and the dogs out in the yard.

So, let me get started on my writing while I am just sitting here on my butt with this cast on. I should be able to keep posting every day now with everything calming down and my stress level lowering. I feel pretty good today and actually look forward to tomorrow.

Well, let me get off here and get to writing and I wish everyone an awesome evening. Take care.



Daily Journal 4/3/2018

Today has been such a free feeling for me. I have had nothing but stress and drama for the last few weeks outside of my own household. Today, I have been able to free myself from all that hinders me and my marriage. I am no longer responsible for people who don’t appreciate anything, want to control everything, greed for money and materialistic things, and drama filled lives. It was becoming such a burden on my life and mental health status that lots of bad things were beginning to happen within myself. I have put myself on hold for so long and doing for others, OUTSIDE of where we live, that it now feels like I can shed that old tired skin off and live life the way it was meant for living.

I do not speak for my husband, but I must refrain from associating with his side of the family to keep myself positive and moving forward. They live differently than what I am used to and have different values than my own. It seems that what is pleasing and satisfying to them, makes me feel like I am just stuck in a sphere or frozen state never moving forward and only being content with dullness. It seems that some of them only survive to take what they can get from others, sucking the very essence and life out of everyone around them.

I guess it is true that misery really does love company and they are a perfect example of that. No one can really be happy around them and it is liberating to be free from them and only being able to live and be happy as only I know how. Like I said, I cannot speak for my husband, and I will never keep him from them, but we have a better life ahead of us and God will be leading the way.

Now, on to better notes, I am regaining a piece of me that had hid for a few weeks not knowing when it would be safe to poke it’s head out and enjoy what life has to offer. I am shedding off hinderances and putting back up on the shelves childish things to use what God has given me. It has been a rollercoaster ride for the past few years with lots of family leaving this life and moving on to a better place without pain and sorrow. There are not too many of the elders left and when they are all gone it would be hard because of no one being there to answer my still sought-after questions of life and advice. The world is going to hell in a handbag and I refuse to sit around and let life pass me by.

Today, I begin writing again and exploring fantasy so I can escape from what ails me. Sometimes, it is good to get away and relax on that white sandy beach watching the white-capped waves as they roll in. I have been so distraught over life that I seriously need a break and will find that in my stories. One of my future books will change or be deleted because of family drama. Writing it would bring ill feelings and I don’t want to return to that negative place.

I hope everyone had an awesome Easter with family and friends and I will end this post here and bid everyone a good night. Before I go, I do want to send prayers out to someone I know who is in the hospital right now and for a speedy recovery because he is missed here at home. 🙂


Daily Journal 3/16/2018

Good morning to all my friends and family. It is about ten minutes to ten in the morning and the day looks beautiful. I started planting my seeds the other day to start our garden and have been tending to them daily. I can’t wait to see my little seedlings just so that I can begin talking to them.

Sorry I had to stop and go back to bed. I saw my back doctor yesterday and he increased my pain medication which took it all out of me this morning since I hadn’t had medication in a couple of days. That is part of the reason why I haven’t posted as much because of the discomfort and pain that I was having to endure.

When they did the neck procedure on me, it relieved about seventy percent of the pain in my neck but opened it up for me to feel everything going on in my lower back. From the lower back all the way to the bottom of my feet I feel pain and discomfort enough to keep me from concentrating on what needs to be done. It was an awful experience for me. I do not tolerate pain very well.

Anyway, I am doing better today and look forward to catching up on everything. I want to get back to writing my books and seeing them published soon. The goal now is to have two books published next month. I have two works in progress and I am having an awesome time writing them. I have missed writing here and keeping you all up to date on my life and events.

Anyone with a birthday today let me wish you a very “Happy Birthday” and I hope everyone else has a very awesome Friday and “Happy Weekend”. I need to go now and get some things done and completed before the day’s end. Have a great Friday night and will post again soon.

Daily Journal 10/10/2017

Today has not been a very good day at all for me. Not only am I sick, but it just seemed like everything around me came crashing down this morning that invoked a mental breakdown. My husband and sister-in-law had to sick me down and let me cry for a few because I was feeling so angry that I just wanted to hit something.

Every little thing agitated me this morning and I became snappy at everyone around me and it just seemed like one thing after another came crashing down. I have come to realize that everyone else’s problems should be their own and not mine because besides having my own problems I have to deal with their issues and drama as well.

We moved our bedroom into the living room and our new mattress showed up this morning and the rest of our bed frame and everything should be here in the morning. My husband made a little corner of the room my corner so that it was my space. I can feel safe in my little corner without being bothered by anyone. This will be where I spend most of my time under the supervision of my husband so that I can remain safe.

I feel like I just want to isolate from the world again except through my writing. I have a heart of gold that wants to always open and help everyone around me even when it is detrimental to my own health and well-being, but I have to stop so that people cannot take advantage of my kindness anymore.

I want to devote myself to full-time writing so that I can share my stories plus make a better life for my husband, myself, and my dogs which are my babies. I cannot let everyone else’s drama interfere with my life anymore because it doesn’t help me and my family any and I am so tired of the stress.

Sometimes I wish I could just blink my eyes and my husband, babies, and I could just disappear to a deserted island or a place where no one else lived just so that I wouldn’t have to deal with other people. Even some family members are so screwed up that you know I go out of my way to help them and they slapped my face once and here they are getting ready to do it again and I can’t handle it.

Here we go again, I really feel like hitting something and getting all this pent up frustration out. I am going to put my face and mind in the computer and stay there and not deal with anyone else in this house except my husband. I have just had enough. I am canceling all appointments for tomorrow and just take some time for myself. I NEED IT!!

My therapist last week gave me an assignment to draw all the masks that I have ever used in life to hide the real me and give them a physical identity. It was supposed to be something I could do but right now the only mask wanting to come out would be anger and I need to roll my emotions back first before beginning this assignment. I apologize Jennifer that it is not possible at the moment.

Well, I need to get off here because I could rant and rave all day and it would not do me any good or anyone else. I want to wish everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and everyone else a glorious day.

Daily Journal 10/4/2017

Hello, everyone. Sorry to have not been here but I have been battling a severe cold with my sinuses and lungs. I am on antibiotics and cough suppressant now which make me a little groggy. I have had no appetite and always sleeping, but I finally got to my primary care doctor and we are working on getting me back to better health.

Today I just found out that the roommates with five kids will be moving out which will take away a lot of stress and drama. It is bad when you are trying to write and listening to a bunch of kids yelling and screaming and the parents do nothing about it.

Today I finished up the second chapter to my next book and began writing the third chapter which I am finding it interesting where my story is taking me. It will be a book series and I look forward to writing each one. I am also learning about myself as I write which is a good thing.

My husband has been very supportive of my writing and he takes care of me when I am sick. I cannot believe I married my best friend and such a loving person as him. I thank each day for God bringing him into my life because I am truly happy with him. He makes me feel like I am somebody.

Well, it is time for me to say goodnight and I wish everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else have an awesome evening. Take care.


Daily Journal 6/28/2017

Good morning everyone! How is everyone doing this beautiful morning? Well, I feel so much better today after seeing the doctor yesterday. Hepatitis you know means inflammation of the liver, well I have Hepatitis but not the viral kind. My diabetes IS the culprit for my Hepatitis and fatty liver but it is all reversible. I just need to get my blood sugar under better management and eat better than once or twice a day and my liver will heal itself. This is such great news and a relief to me. I, mean, what else could go wrong in our lives?

We have two vehicles to which both are not running, a split personality roommate who stresses me the hell out, and nothing could seem to go right for us within the last year. We did not need to have me ill and having to worry about that too. So, it is a good day and with some good news. My therapist texted me again this morning wanting to reschedule again for tomorrow so by my schedule I have the whole day to work on my book.

I am getting ready to get a cover made for a free ebook of short stories and it won’t be long before I am finished with my manuscript of Joshua. I have enjoyed writing this book and look forward to the next one.

Well, it is a good day today and I need to get started. I have just finished my cup of coffee and ready for the day. For everyone who has a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else, have an awesome and blessed Wednesday. Take care.

Daily Journal 6/26/2017

Hello, everyone. I have been so stressed out lately and it has been showing. Tomorrow I get to learn which Hepatitis I have and how much liver and kidney function I have remaining. Not knowing is the hardest part. Now, on top of a hernia, I have to deal with these issues as well and tomorrow my life will change, again. I have spent the last few days printing up information on all the different types of Hepatitis, their causes, their treatments, and anything else I could find. All I know right now is that my liver is enlarged and I have fatty liver disease. It is just so frustrating.

I did not get out of bed today until one o’clock this afternoon. My mental health doctor called to reschedule my appointment for next Thursday which means I will have to go another week without some of my medications, and my therapist was supposed to be here today but she texted me to reschedule for Wednesday. Today has just gone to crap like I need more.

I started back writing my book again yesterday to try and put my mind somewhere else and it worked for a little bit. I guess once I hear the news tomorrow I will know how to live again. We cannot figure out how I got Hepatitis in the first place. My liver enzymes were slightly elevated in blood tests last June but it was not a big concern. I have been trying to motivate myself back into my writing by telling myself that I could die from this and I need to get all of my books done. That has been helping me, lol.

Well, I am going to try and get back into writing and see where that world takes me. For everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else, have an awesomely blessed day.

Daily Journal 6/1/2017

Good morning everyone. It is a beautiful Spring day outside with the sky a pretty blue. I feel okay today but I was up and down almost all night. I have not slept well since having the argument with our roommate and then having to walk approximately three miles to pay on the power bill. It has been almost a nightmare that makes me walk on egg shells not knowing when she is going to erupt again.

We have put in for the housing voucher and waiting to see if it is approved. I am only off my schedule by a few minutes, but I will catch up shortly. I do hope that everyone else is having a great morning. I feel better today and look forward to getting back to writing. My mind is clearing up some from all the drama lately so I need to focus my efforts and stress into my writing and finishing this book currently in progress.

I will make this short and sweet and just want to give everyone an update of what is going on with me and my life. Now I need to get back to writing and catching up on my schedule. I wish everyone an awesome day and a very blessed one.

Daily Journal 03/29/2017

Hello, everyone. Today could not be much more beautiful than it is right now. It is in the lower 80’s, slight breeze, and all of God’s creatures doing their daily habits. Yesterday was a bad day in disguise. I was okay at my sister-in-law’s house and around family, but once we got home to our tent, things went south. There was a power loss while we were away which fried our wireless router to start things off. Then, having to deal with the internet provider to send someone out to check things and bring us a new router. Before all of this, on the drive home I started to feel anguish, torment, and depression all at once. By the time we had gotten home I was in full blown fallout which caused the first argument my husband and I have ever had in our three and a half year marriage.

The funny thing about it, it was blown all out of proportion by the stupidest thing, the car overheating. I am canceling my therapy sessions this week because I really don’t want to be around anyone, I guess that is why the writer’s lifestyle is a perfect match for me. I am just so done with living in this tent and being around this woman that really just makes me sick because she thinks she is so much more above everyone else.

I now know that it is time for us to get into this house before I have a complete meltdown and tell this woman what I really think of her and cause more undue stress for my father-in-law who doesn’t deserve it. Yes, he has enabled her to be like she is, but I don’t want to be the reason he has a heart attack or stroke because of her over-the-top complaining and bitching. The guys have asked me to bite my tongue but I don’t know how much more stress I can take. To just hear this woman’s voice makes my skin crawl, and I am not exaggerating. So, I will go lie down for a minute because my head is scrambled right now and it is taking a toll on my body. I wish everyone an awesome Spring day and be blessed.

How I Survived Prostitution Chapter 4

Losing Innocence

Since I began my life of rebellion, I caused a lot of problems for my mother. I would stand and argue with her, she would come in from work at night waking me beating me with belts because of my bad behavior. Kids just don’t realize how easy they have it now with all the child protection laws in effect. I started smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, using foul language like I wrote the book on it. There was this park down the street from my house where lots of people hung out and I became a resident trying to find out where I fit in. At this point, I had not discovered who boys were as sexual activities were concerned, but was on my way there fast.

I did have a couple of friends from school who I thought were cool and we even hung out after school. One of them lived a couple of streets away from me, so she and I were close. We always spent time together and played sports together. I had no clue to anything that went on between boys and girls. My mother never taught me about sex or boys, so I didn’t know. My girlfriends were going to these school dances at the other high school and I wanted to go but my mother had issues with me hanging out with my friends or being out at night across town. I was with my friends and I didn’t care what she thought, so I went anyways without permission. I had a blast at the dance, granted I was on crutches because I had just had my first knee surgery, but I still danced. When it was time to go home, my mother had locked me out of the house and found me asleep on the garage floor the next morning. She was not happy with me at all.

I found a place where I somewhat belonged and my life would proceed from there. My relationship with boys grew more closely. While at this park down the street, I was meeting different guys and hanging out with them. I thought I had become close with a few of them until one night my mother and I got into an argument and I headed out the door with some of my stuff. That is one of the nights I will always remember. It haunts me to this day. I headed for the park just before dark and hung out trying to figure out where to go. One of the guys I hung out with earlier had come walking down the street and saw me sitting there. We sat and chatted for a bit before going back to his house where I was introduced to his mother and family.

Later that evening he came to me and said his other friend, who lived at the other end of the block, said I could stay at his house for the night. I didn’t know that night would change my life forever. I got settled in and sat listening to music with them for a bit before being shown to his sister’s room where I could sleep. His family was out-of-town for the weekend and that gave way for me to stay with him. Now, remember, at this time I didn’t know what sex was or that boys could be so cruel. I fell asleep and felt so safe until I woke up to four of these boys holding me down and stripping my clothing off. Each one climbed on top of me and pushed himself inside me. I cried and pleaded with them to stop but they wouldn’t.

When they finally finished and got off me, I put my clothes on and sat back on the couch in the living room as if nothing happened. I could feel the soreness all over my body and it wasn’t as much as how dirty I felt. Then, there was a knock at the door about thirty minutes later. When one of the boys opened the door, there was a police officer with my mother looking for me. She took me home and when I went to the bathroom I saw blood in my panties and immediately knew what it was from. I wasn’t sure how to hide it from my mother so I told her I started my period. She was none the wiser and if she did think it was something else she never let on.

A couple of weeks later I began realizing the attention I was getting from guys. They were friendlier to me and started flirting with me. I wasn’t sure how to act but I knew I liked it. This became my life of having sex with every boy who took an interest in me. One after another, I began having sex with every boy I thought I liked just to get them to like me back. I know it was wrong but I was getting the attention I needed. I even went as far as letting a group of young boys take their turn with me in the back of an old vehicle out in one’s backyard. I became the town slut not to hurt anyone but because I was getting attention and really thought that some of them genuinely liked me. It was all an act to get what they wanted.

As I got older and the arguments with my mother became more frequent, I began running away from home. I had no idea where I was headed but I had to get away from my mother. I remember walking down to the highway and hitchhiking. I ended up in Los Angeles my first time away from home. It was the thought of the bright lights and big city that attracted me to it. I walked around the city for a while before coming to a park in the middle of all these high-rises. You couldn’t even see the sun which was hidden behind these tall buildings. I sat there for a while and watched all the people walk around, walking their dog and some just sitting and reading a book.

It was there I happened to notice a guy in a navy uniform that came over to talk to me. He sat next to me and we chatted a bit about everything. When I told him I had no place to go, he took me to his aunt’s house where he was staying and had to sneak me into his room. He had to hide me from his aunt and uncle but gave me a dry place to sleep. I stayed there for a few days but then it was time for me to go. I left his house walking down the streets which seemed like a million miles of road just to get from one place to another. As I walked and noticed it was getting dark, I tried to think of where I could go, plus how was I going to get something to eat. I kept walking until a black man in a Camaro pulled up next to me and asked if I was okay. I told him I was trying to find somewhere to sleep, so he said get in and he would find me somewhere to sleep. He pulled into a rundown old motel and left me in the car as he went into the office. He came back out a few minutes later to the car and said he paid for a room for me. I didn’t think anything bad would come out of it.

Once we were inside the room he pushed me down onto the bed and began forcibly taking my clothes off. He climbed up on top of me which he wasn’t a small guy and raped me. He didn’t leave anything inside me because that he put into my mouth. Once he finished, he got up and put his clothes on and walked out the door. I immediately got up and jumped into a scalding hot shower to wash the dirty feeling off me. I collapsed to the shower floor under the hot water blaming myself for what happened. After I got cleaned up and my clothes back on, I quickly left the hotel in the middle of the night hoping to forget what happened.

I went to the nearest pay phone once I got out of that neighborhood and called my mother. I told her where I was and she said for me to stay put. She had gotten a hold of the police department and told them where I was and would they please pick me up and take me somewhere safe until she got there. Once the police showed up I fell apart telling them what happened so they took me directly to the hospital to be checked. When my mother got to the police department they told her I was at the hospital where she soon found me. I had no clue as to my dad being out in the car waiting. My mother blamed me for what happened. When she told me my dad was in the car, I felt even worse because I didn’t want him to think less of or ashamed of me. I always wanted my dad to be proud of me, but that never came. The long four-hour ride home was very quiet.

A few weeks went by and out on the road I went again and back down to Los Angeles. This time was a little different. I was walking down the street that night when a white man pulled alongside me. I was looking for ways to get some money to eat but never figured this to happen, nor did I have a clue. He pulled up, rolled down the window, and told me he would give me forty dollars for a blow job. I thought to myself “what was a blow job” and then decided to get into the car because I needed the money. That was the only thing on my mind. We drove to a dark parking garage and he handed me forty dollars. I wasn’t sure what he wanted, or was even asking for, and I knew he could tell I had never done this before. He asked me if I knew what a blowjob was and I politely answered him “no”. He was very gentle in teaching me this act of sex and when he was done, the only thing that went through my mind was “I could make money this easy and fast”. So, began my life as a prostitute.