Daily Journal 6/28/2017

Good morning everyone! How is everyone doing this beautiful morning? Well, I feel so much better today after seeing the doctor yesterday. Hepatitis you know means inflammation of the liver, well I have Hepatitis but not the viral kind. My diabetes IS the culprit for my Hepatitis and fatty liver but it is all reversible. I just need to get my blood sugar under better management and eat better than once or twice a day and my liver will heal itself. This is such great news and a relief to me. I, mean, what else could go wrong in our lives?

We have two vehicles to which both are not running, a split personality roommate who stresses me the hell out, and nothing could seem to go right for us within the last year. We did not need to have me ill and having to worry about that too. So, it is a good day and with some good news. My therapist texted me again this morning wanting to reschedule again for tomorrow so by my schedule I have the whole day to work on my book.

I am getting ready to get a cover made for a free ebook of short stories and it won’t be long before I am finished with my manuscript of Joshua. I have enjoyed writing this book and look forward to the next one.

Well, it is a good day today and I need to get started. I have just finished my cup of coffee and ready for the day. For everyone who has a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else, have an awesome and blessed Wednesday. Take care.

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Daily Journal 6/26/2017

Hello, everyone. I have been so stressed out lately and it has been showing. Tomorrow I get to learn which Hepatitis I have and how much liver and kidney function I have remaining. Not knowing is the hardest part. Now, on top of a hernia, I have to deal with these issues as well and tomorrow my life will change, again. I have spent the last few days printing up information on all the different types of Hepatitis, their causes, their treatments, and anything else I could find. All I know right now is that my liver is enlarged and I have fatty liver disease. It is just so frustrating.

I did not get out of bed today until one o’clock this afternoon. My mental health doctor called to reschedule my appointment for next Thursday which means I will have to go another week without some of my medications, and my therapist was supposed to be here today but she texted me to reschedule for Wednesday. Today has just gone to crap like I need more.

I started back writing my book again yesterday to try and put my mind somewhere else and it worked for a little bit. I guess once I hear the news tomorrow I will know how to live again. We cannot figure out how I got Hepatitis in the first place. My liver enzymes were slightly elevated in blood tests last June but it was not a big concern. I have been trying to motivate myself back into my writing by telling myself that I could die from this and I need to get all of my books done. That has been helping me, lol.

Well, I am going to try and get back into writing and see where that world takes me. For everyone with a birthday today, “Happy Birthday” and to everyone else, have an awesomely blessed day.

Daily Journal 6/1/2017

Good morning everyone. It is a beautiful Spring day outside with the sky a pretty blue. I feel okay today but I was up and down almost all night. I have not slept well since having the argument with our roommate and then having to walk approximately three miles to pay on the power bill. It has been almost a nightmare that makes me walk on egg shells not knowing when she is going to erupt again.

We have put in for the housing voucher and waiting to see if it is approved. I am only off my schedule by a few minutes, but I will catch up shortly. I do hope that everyone else is having a great morning. I feel better today and look forward to getting back to writing. My mind is clearing up some from all the drama lately so I need to focus my efforts and stress into my writing and finishing this book currently in progress.

I will make this short and sweet and just want to give everyone an update of what is going on with me and my life. Now I need to get back to writing and catching up on my schedule. I wish everyone an awesome day and a very blessed one.

Daily Journal 03/29/2017

Hello, everyone. Today could not be much more beautiful than it is right now. It is in the lower 80’s, slight breeze, and all of God’s creatures doing their daily habits. Yesterday was a bad day in disguise. I was okay at my sister-in-law’s house and around family, but once we got home to our tent, things went south. There was a power loss while we were away which fried our wireless router to start things off. Then, having to deal with the internet provider to send someone out to check things and bring us a new router. Before all of this, on the drive home I started to feel anguish, torment, and depression all at once. By the time we had gotten home I was in full blown fallout which caused the first argument my husband and I have ever had in our three and a half year marriage.

The funny thing about it, it was blown all out of proportion by the stupidest thing, the car overheating. I am canceling my therapy sessions this week because I really don’t want to be around anyone, I guess that is why the writer’s lifestyle is a perfect match for me. I am just so done with living in this tent and being around this woman that really just makes me sick because she thinks she is so much more above everyone else.

I now know that it is time for us to get into this house before I have a complete meltdown and tell this woman what I really think of her and cause more undue stress for my father-in-law who doesn’t deserve it. Yes, he has enabled her to be like she is, but I don’t want to be the reason he has a heart attack or stroke because of her over-the-top complaining and bitching. The guys have asked me to bite my tongue but I don’t know how much more stress I can take. To just hear this woman’s voice makes my skin crawl, and I am not exaggerating. So, I will go lie down for a minute because my head is scrambled right now and it is taking a toll on my body. I wish everyone an awesome Spring day and be blessed.

How I Survived Prostitution Chapter 4

Losing Innocence

Since I began my life of rebellion, I caused a lot of problems for my mother. I would stand and argue with her, she would come in from work at night waking me beating me with belts because of my bad behavior. Kids just don’t realize how easy they have it now with all the child protection laws in effect. I started smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, using foul language like I wrote the book on it. There was this park down the street from my house where lots of people hung out and I became a resident trying to find out where I fit in. At this point, I had not discovered who boys were as sexual activities were concerned, but was on my way there fast.

I did have a couple of friends from school who I thought were cool and we even hung out after school. One of them lived a couple of streets away from me, so she and I were close. We always spent time together and played sports together. I had no clue to anything that went on between boys and girls. My mother never taught me about sex or boys, so I didn’t know. My girlfriends were going to these school dances at the other high school and I wanted to go but my mother had issues with me hanging out with my friends or being out at night across town. I was with my friends and I didn’t care what she thought, so I went anyways without permission. I had a blast at the dance, granted I was on crutches because I had just had my first knee surgery, but I still danced. When it was time to go home, my mother had locked me out of the house and found me asleep on the garage floor the next morning. She was not happy with me at all.

I found a place where I somewhat belonged and my life would proceed from there. My relationship with boys grew more closely. While at this park down the street, I was meeting different guys and hanging out with them. I thought I had become close with a few of them until one night my mother and I got into an argument and I headed out the door with some of my stuff. That is one of the nights I will always remember. It haunts me to this day. I headed for the park just before dark and hung out trying to figure out where to go. One of the guys I hung out with earlier had come walking down the street and saw me sitting there. We sat and chatted for a bit before going back to his house where I was introduced to his mother and family.

Later that evening he came to me and said his other friend, who lived at the other end of the block, said I could stay at his house for the night. I didn’t know that night would change my life forever. I got settled in and sat listening to music with them for a bit before being shown to his sister’s room where I could sleep. His family was out-of-town for the weekend and that gave way for me to stay with him. Now, remember, at this time I didn’t know what sex was or that boys could be so cruel. I fell asleep and felt so safe until I woke up to four of these boys holding me down and stripping my clothing off. Each one climbed on top of me and pushed himself inside me. I cried and pleaded with them to stop but they wouldn’t.

When they finally finished and got off me, I put my clothes on and sat back on the couch in the living room as if nothing happened. I could feel the soreness all over my body and it wasn’t as much as how dirty I felt. Then, there was a knock at the door about thirty minutes later. When one of the boys opened the door, there was a police officer with my mother looking for me. She took me home and when I went to the bathroom I saw blood in my panties and immediately knew what it was from. I wasn’t sure how to hide it from my mother so I told her I started my period. She was none the wiser and if she did think it was something else she never let on.

A couple of weeks later I began realizing the attention I was getting from guys. They were friendlier to me and started flirting with me. I wasn’t sure how to act but I knew I liked it. This became my life of having sex with every boy who took an interest in me. One after another, I began having sex with every boy I thought I liked just to get them to like me back. I know it was wrong but I was getting the attention I needed. I even went as far as letting a group of young boys take their turn with me in the back of an old vehicle out in one’s backyard. I became the town slut not to hurt anyone but because I was getting attention and really thought that some of them genuinely liked me. It was all an act to get what they wanted.

As I got older and the arguments with my mother became more frequent, I began running away from home. I had no idea where I was headed but I had to get away from my mother. I remember walking down to the highway and hitchhiking. I ended up in Los Angeles my first time away from home. It was the thought of the bright lights and big city that attracted me to it. I walked around the city for a while before coming to a park in the middle of all these high-rises. You couldn’t even see the sun which was hidden behind these tall buildings. I sat there for a while and watched all the people walk around, walking their dog and some just sitting and reading a book.

It was there I happened to notice a guy in a navy uniform that came over to talk to me. He sat next to me and we chatted a bit about everything. When I told him I had no place to go, he took me to his aunt’s house where he was staying and had to sneak me into his room. He had to hide me from his aunt and uncle but gave me a dry place to sleep. I stayed there for a few days but then it was time for me to go. I left his house walking down the streets which seemed like a million miles of road just to get from one place to another. As I walked and noticed it was getting dark, I tried to think of where I could go, plus how was I going to get something to eat. I kept walking until a black man in a Camaro pulled up next to me and asked if I was okay. I told him I was trying to find somewhere to sleep, so he said get in and he would find me somewhere to sleep. He pulled into a rundown old motel and left me in the car as he went into the office. He came back out a few minutes later to the car and said he paid for a room for me. I didn’t think anything bad would come out of it.

Once we were inside the room he pushed me down onto the bed and began forcibly taking my clothes off. He climbed up on top of me which he wasn’t a small guy and raped me. He didn’t leave anything inside me because that he put into my mouth. Once he finished, he got up and put his clothes on and walked out the door. I immediately got up and jumped into a scalding hot shower to wash the dirty feeling off me. I collapsed to the shower floor under the hot water blaming myself for what happened. After I got cleaned up and my clothes back on, I quickly left the hotel in the middle of the night hoping to forget what happened.

I went to the nearest pay phone once I got out of that neighborhood and called my mother. I told her where I was and she said for me to stay put. She had gotten a hold of the police department and told them where I was and would they please pick me up and take me somewhere safe until she got there. Once the police showed up I fell apart telling them what happened so they took me directly to the hospital to be checked. When my mother got to the police department they told her I was at the hospital where she soon found me. I had no clue as to my dad being out in the car waiting. My mother blamed me for what happened. When she told me my dad was in the car, I felt even worse because I didn’t want him to think less of or ashamed of me. I always wanted my dad to be proud of me, but that never came. The long four-hour ride home was very quiet.

A few weeks went by and out on the road I went again and back down to Los Angeles. This time was a little different. I was walking down the street that night when a white man pulled alongside me. I was looking for ways to get some money to eat but never figured this to happen, nor did I have a clue. He pulled up, rolled down the window, and told me he would give me forty dollars for a blow job. I thought to myself “what was a blow job” and then decided to get into the car because I needed the money. That was the only thing on my mind. We drove to a dark parking garage and he handed me forty dollars. I wasn’t sure what he wanted, or was even asking for, and I knew he could tell I had never done this before. He asked me if I knew what a blowjob was and I politely answered him “no”. He was very gentle in teaching me this act of sex and when he was done, the only thing that went through my mind was “I could make money this easy and fast”. So, began my life as a prostitute.

 

Daily Journal 3/10/2017

Good morning everyone. Today is a great day to be alive. There was a thunderstorm last night when I went to bed, but I slept pretty well last night. I woke up to my husband with coffee and my dogs wanting some love and attention. The wind is blowing and it feels nice. We got home late last night from my sister-in-law’s house and we were worn out so it was to bed earlier than normal. Usually, I don’t go to bed until about two o’clock in the morning after winding down with a few levels of a computer game.

I will be making my video for crowdfunding here shortly to assist me in book expenses so that I may get my first book published. Monday I will begin writing my second book now that I have all the notes from my research done and organized. I am very excited about that and look forward to seeing my book in physical form. Sometimes I cannot even believe I have written a book about my life experiences.

My goal for this series of nonfiction books is to help people understand some of the issues we face and for those still facing them to know that there is someone who can identify with their issues and that they are not alone. I have had a hard life with physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse that I want those afflicted with the same to know that they can overcome that issue.

In each book which deals with one issue at a time, I will be leaving my messenger id and an eight hundred number for anyone afflicted by these horrible issues to reach me if they just want to talk, or need some advice. I have a passion for helping people and through my experiences, I think I can. So, I will end here so I can get this video done before my husband comes back to play a video game. I wish everyone a great and happy day.

Faith Equals Hope

Sometimes when things don’t seem to go your way, that is when it is time to stop, take a breath, and know that you are not alone. Life was never meant to be perfect and anyone who says their life is perfect is probably hiding something. No one’s life is perfect and it never will be. We are just given the tools to survive and make it the best way we can.

Some people have or believe in a higher power and rely on it to help them in a time of need. I believe in my higher power and you will always find me talking to God and asking him for help just like he is a real person sitting here talking to me. This is when faith comes into play. If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can move mountains, at least that is what the Bible says. Everyone has their own belief system but it does work and I know this from my own experiences.

Faith does equal hope and I do believe that if everyone believed in something that our world would be a better place. Everyone needs something to believe in instead of man-made things. We are so imperfect that even our judgments are clouded. Just as with computers, they are only as good as what humans put into them. So you see, things are not always going to be perfect or good, but it is the choices we make that will make them better.

Having a higher power or something that you have hope or faith in can always make a difference in your life. Believe in the unseen, hope for the best, and things will always work out depending on the choices you make. I can only say that I have faith and hope that you will make better choices for your life and that it brings you happiness. Find something to believe in that will give you a sense of peace and joy.

Daily Journal 3/7/2017

First, I want to apologize for not posting yesterday because I was having a down day. My depression set in and it caused me to have some dull depressing feelings and I was just wanted to be left alone yesterday. On top of being depressed, I was also not feeling well like I was getting sick again. My therapist came today and we talked about everything going on and the talk made me feel a bit better.

On a happier note, this morning my husband and I are going over to the house to clean the rest of the trash up and ready for the dump. We have the material now to finish the floor and start putting the kitchen walls up. All that remains is for my husband and father-in-law to finish up the wiring of the last two rooms so that we can get the inspection.

That will brighten my day knowing that soon we will be in our house and out of this tent, which is almost unliveable. Other than that, I am continuing with my writing and getting this together for my second book. I need to create a video for crowdfunding to assist with the editing expenses before publishing. This second book has a lot of useful information and is taking quite a bit of time to gather my research for it. I am almost there and ready to begin writing.

I look forward to publishing my books and love creating them. My passion has grown for writing and it makes me happy knowing I can share my life story with the world. I want people to gain an understanding of what some people deal with on a daily basis and how to overcome the issues they face. I have also got the outline done for the third book which will be fictional and I look forward to writing it.

Well, it is late and we need to get some rest before heading to the house. I just wanted to touch base with everyone and give you a progress report on what’s going on with me and my life. These posts are written from the heart whether it is good things or bad, I want people to know the real me and the things that go on in my life. So, I will say good night to all of my friends and family and have a blessed day today. Keep those smiles going.

 

Daily Journal 2/27/2017

prostitution-book-cover

Good afternoon everyone. What a great and peaceful rainy day here. I hope your weather is better, however, I do love the rain because it washes away everything dirty and makes everything new again. I have been getting through a case of acute sinusitis for the past two weeks and I am starting to feel a little better now that I have antibiotics to help out. Other than that, things are looking so much better now. I just finished the book cover for my first book and I hope everyone likes it. I have my amazon account set up and my pre-order set up, so everything is moving forward. My nonfiction books will be easy reads because I want people to understand them

My nonfiction books will be easy reads because I want people to understand them, even those who cannot read very well or fast. I am so excited about my book launch and becoming a published author that I can’t sit still. 🙂 Since my nonfiction book series are so emotional and graphic, I will be publishing the two easiest ones in sequence first and then flip over to fiction before writing the next nonfiction one. These books are about my life experiences, good and bad, and it will be difficult for me to recount some of the most traumatic ones, but I will have to face them again. I still live the horrors of some of them every night in my nightmares, so there are days where I wake up not myself.

I want my books to give readers the understanding of the who, what, when, where, and why people have to go through these ordeals and to give inspiration to those afflicted by these struggles. Each book covers a topic that has happened to me and I wish to help those who are struggling to know that there is a way out and that you can have a better and happy life.

Some of the chapters in my nonfiction books will be very emotional, to me, and to the reader. I tell my story as it happened from nineteen eighty-four until two thousand and seventeen. I might not remember everything during this time but I do remember the important parts. So, I hope that you will get a chance to read them and gain some knowledge of what afflicts some many people in the world. Have a blessed day.

Daily Journal 2/11/2017

Good morning to all of my friends and family! Wake those sleepy eyes and look at how beautiful the day is and how blessed we are. Today is grocery shopping day and I am excited. I feel pretty good today and had a productive week with my writing. I do have at least twenty books in progress that almost all of the outlines are done for but one is in final editing and one is almost ready to start writing on. I feel good about my writing because these first two books will be to help those who are struggling with issues I have already dealt with and I want them to know they are not alone and I want to give them some advice on how to overcome those obstacles and make their lives a little less stressful and full of life. I am using my experiences to allow them to see that you can overcome those struggles and to see how full life can be once you walk away. After this second book of a five book series, I will be writing my first fictional book and taking a break away from nonfiction for a minute to rest my mind and emotions. The book series is also a therapeutic way for me to deal with the backlash of my past. I never said it would be easy or that it would just disappear. I am still coping and dealing with some of my issues and it is mostly the nightmares of post-traumatic stress disorder. Sometimes I relive those situations over and over again in my nightmares, but I am still pushing forward to release them. I, myself, am a work in progress, lol. Well, I need to get dressed to go out and will be back soon to get started writing. I wish everyone a blessed and wonderful day.