Daily Journal 4/3/2017

Today I came home but my day started off crappy because when I went to get in the car to go it wouldn’t start. I tried several times and then it would start, run for a few minute’s, then it would die. My sister-in-law’s fiancee had to drive out to pick up my husband to come fix it. When he arrived he instantly found out the problem and corrected it and then we drove home. When we pulled into the driveway, we were met by my other dogs who were ecstatic to see me. I want to say it felt good to be home, but it really wasn’t. I was happy to be reunited with my husband and dogs, but I seemed to get depressed with the thought of being here again.

I appreciate everything my father-in-law has done for us but his wife just gets under my skin too quickly. Everything was going great today until I went to make some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches since that was all we ate today when my step-mother-in-law started in on me again about how we need to help pay their bills and put food in the house. I have already explained to my husband why I refuse to put any food in their house because one, our food money has gone way down below a hundred dollars, and two, she wastes so much food. She could make a full pot of spaghetti that we eat half of at dinner and then wants to throw the rest to her dogs.

She doesn’t believe in leftovers except for her nasty pinto beans that we have to have two nights in a row. We took care of them for almost seven months with food and paid half of their electric bill for a couple of months and that doesn’t mean anything to her. We are living in a tent and running power by a drop chord so I know that we are not running that much electric but she has to complain about everything except for her side of the family who can do no wrong. They are perfect and better than everyone else.

Anyway, we are going to sit down with them tomorrow and talk and we might just have to leave and be out in the streets until we get this house inspected which now has been pushed to the first week of May due to financial reasons. We gave them the last thirty dollars we have and it isn’t good enough for her. So, whatever happens tomorrow I will keep you updated.

On a quick brighter note, I have got my whole plan of writing set up for the rest of the year. I have my goals set in place and will work towards that to keep my spirits up. Well, I wish everyone a good night and sweet dreams. Be blessed.

 

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My Vision of My Higher Power

When I am asked what religion I belong too or what is my faith, I cannot really say since there are so many of them out there nowadays. I think some of them are made up just to sound important, but my question is what is a religion? Why is it called religion? Why is it that we have to classify every person’s belief in a higher power to some named religion? Can a person not just believe in something that gives them hope or the feeling of love? I just don’t understand it and I am in no way knocking down anyone’s religion. Every person is free to believe whatever they want that brings them strength, joy, love, hope, and peace.

Technically, I claim Christianity, but to give my physical vision of my higher power it would be more of a cool breeze blowing over my face. A warm kiss from the sun that makes me want to fall into its arms. The feeling of wind blowing through my hair as a lovers fingers. I could walk through a green pasture barefooted and feel each blade of grass as it pokes its gorgeous leaf between each toe. To stand on the side of a mountain overlooking the multicolored valley brings me peace. These are all things that comfort me, give me hope and joy, make me feel loved, and a sense of belonging.

I’m truly sorry for my next statement but I cannot lie about it. I have been to many churches, and I have felt nothing and no sense of belonging. Some churches require a high social status, while others believe you should be dressed up in nice clothes and looking your best. I thought that the scriptures of the bible stated that Jesus said come as you are. Some of us don’t have nice clothes nor the money to buy any. It seems you are judged the minute you walk in the door wearing a sweat suit or jeans. I feel more joy, peace, love, and happiness being out in the world.

I know that there is a creator of all things and I sense it in everything natural around me. I look at the mountains with wide eyes, I dream off into any lake or ocean, and I enjoy laying on a blanket staring into the great blue sky or the vastness of the stars. I know there are those who ask that one question of every believer, “how can you believe in something you can’t see or touch?”.

My belief is that if you stop and wait, you will be able to feel, see, and hear the creator of everything. Think about it, if you sit and listen, you can hear the waves crashing upon the shore, you can hear the birds chirping and singing, and the thunder as it cracks and roars across the sky. Seeing the creator is looking at everything around you and taking notice. You can see the sun and the moon rise each day, the flowers blooming in the fields, and the new life being born.

Feeling the creator can be accomplished in many ways but I feel the creator when the rain falls upon my face and the wind that gently flows across my skin with the feeling of hairs raising up. I feel him when holding a baby or puppy. You just have to look for the signs.

Now ask me if I believe in an afterlife? I do believe that we have spirits inside of us, that is what gives us the feeling of belonging and self-awareness. It is the spirit that speaks to us in gut feelings and for some of us, it is those little whispers we hear inside our heads. I believe that once our physical bodies have served their purpose and die, that our spirit leaves and ascends to a new place. Where? I have no clue. Our bodies die and disintegrate, but our spirits live on.

I see my higher power in everything around me. I feel my higher power within the elements of the earth. I hear my higher power when I sit and listen. These are my vision of my higher power. What are yours?